Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 9:28:21
In reply to Re: what do you mean? » karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 19:57:34
I hope you've said it in therapy, giving it the weight it deserves.
<I have told him several times that I just want to say what he wants me to. He has told me several times that he just wants me to be honest. But, it just seems so hard. I'm not sure to what degree to be honest. I'm not sure when I'm going too far. I don't know what I need to talk about. It's so confusing! And it seems that what he wants me to talk about (ie my dad) I really don't want to talk about, because I'm afraid that I might get to a point where I may really come to need my therapist and I HATE being needy. I've never needed anyone in the past, and I don't intend to start needing anyone in the future! (Stubborn, aren't I? :)I so understand needing to be perfect for everyone else. But being a chameleon is exhausting, don't you think?
<Not nearly as exhausting as trying to figure out who I really am!
> >>Totally possible. It is what I have been working on for 6 months. FallsFalls told me awhile ago that trying to capture post session emotions was a good step to finding them during sessions. Practice putting them into words. My Therapist told me I had exiled that part of myself so I had no vocabulary at first. I will say that now it is 50/50 proposition if I'm going to "feel" or not -- I'm getting better at it. I still have memories totally devoid of feelings however. It is weird. I can see what is happening and I can have feelings in the here and now -- but I can't get to what I felt then. Speaks to the horror, doesn't it?
<My problem at this point is that I still don't have many memories of my childhood at all. My memory is so bad, I have a hard time remembering my birthdate. I can watch the same film 3 or 4 times and not remember the ending. It is improving a bit though. But, I really don't have feelings associated with what little memories I do have. Maybe a bit of shock, but not fear or hurt or anger. Nothing like that. Another odd thing I have noticed about myself is that the only time I cry is when someone hurts my feelings (ie they don't have time for me ) or makes me feel dumb.Thanks so much for your support! You have been such a sweet heart! Good luck working through the things that you are going through as well.
Karen
>
poster:karen_kay
thread:281378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/282048.html