Posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 12:09:33
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 21:51:11
Ok, this is totally the pot calling the kettle black, BUT -- when you script the session aren't you then avoiding what might be hard. Even talking about that you do that, takes up time and avoids the "why" question. Of course you want to control things: why?
You are essentially practicing your emotional response before you get there. You are being honest about your actions but are looking for the "correct" feeling(s) -- Like you said, you just want to please him: why? Are you pleasing yourself? How scary is spontaneous for you? (scares me to death!)And, how much of your REAL life aren't you living if your head is *always* in session?
It is so hard, isn't it? I really thought 6 months ago if I could get to the "aha!" then I would suddenly feel better. Understanding and intellectualizing has always worked before. My Therapist keeps encouraging me to stop thinking of it in terms of "fixing" but instead to try to use the word "healing". It is hard because I feel broken. He calls me wounded. I feel immature and ridiculous half the time. He considers that progress. Ugh.
I'll say it again: you were/are amazingly brave to have been so honest. Now, go the next step and don't practice how you should feel. Just feel. Easier said than done, don't I know.
-D
poster:DaisyM
thread:281378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/281653.html