Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:11:15
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?) » karen_kay, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2003, at 9:49:34
>Well, a huge part of my issues I need to deal with at this point are sexual in nature. And the rest of my issues stem from this. He doesn't openly initiate conversation about my feelings for him, but at this point I am leading the sessions. I think his point is that I should have no guilt associated with sexual thoughts, reguardless of what they are about. But, I am the one who seems to want to discuss this matter, because I do not want the crush to continue. He seems adamant in his stance that it is causing no harm. I am the one bringing it into the session, not him. But, I continue to bring it because I feel guilty.> Why does he think yuo need the hook of your crush on him to continue to come into therapy? Is it true? If it is or isn't, maybe that should be a topic of conversation.
>
> If you got the impression he was enjoying your fantasies a bit too much, could you tell him you got that impression? Unfortunately it does happen and it might interfere with the progress of therapy if it's true. My therapist gently accepts my thinking of him as my therapist/mommy, the mother dog to my newborn pup, the warm milky teat. But he certainly doesn't try to encourage it. lol. He wouldn't try to keep me there and is eager to see my toddling steps towards independence, even if he realizes that they scare me. If you're wondering if he's getting gratification from your fantasies, I would think that is a legitimate question. It's certainly better to ask it than to have hopes/fears about it.I tend to over-analyze situations. Since I am not feeling guilty about my fantasy I should leave well enough alone, right? I think that with him taking it to the next level and actually giving me permission, in my head I feel I justified it as him saying, "I might like it that she thinks of me that way." I am just hypersensitive about sexual remarks and strive to find motivation behind the context. Another example. He tells me I look beautiful every session. The reason is to help me realize that a man can make a comment like that without looking at me in a lustful way. However, in my head I still get it confused that he is. I don't find it disturbing or upsetting, just confusing. I know that eventually it will click and I'll get it, but right now it just confuses my little head :( Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.
I really have made a lot of progress since I started my sessions with him. My moods are stable, and I've not SIed, I'm not taking any antianxiety meds, and my grades are really improving. And I feel wonderful. And he continues to encourage me.
I think next week I'll briefly discuss this with him. But, I do think that most importantly from a stupid (stupid stupid!!) outburst came a turning point in my therapy. And for that I am truly grateful.
poster:karen_kay
thread:281378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/281654.html