Posted by ValerieF on October 29, 2003, at 12:57:11
In reply to Feeling so Much pain over Breakup.. please help, posted by jeff g on October 15, 2003, at 3:13:59
Jay,
Hi... I'm Valerie. I just wanted to let you know that I am going through the same as you... RE: Grief of loss of dad and relationship... That was my post. I really feel for you and believe me... it takes a lot of time to get over a really bonded relationship. It has been about a month since me and my boyfriend of two years have broken up and I was at the same state as your ex... crying day after day... wishing him back.. and part of me still does.. but it takes time. I invite you to read my post and if you need to talk, please let me know.> Greetings all I stumbled across this website and thought it would be a good place to look for guidance. I have just turned 24. I had a younger girlfriend and we fell deeply in love, however she always seemed more in love than me, and I guess I started taking it for granted.
> We ended up being together for 2 years, and some of those times were by far the greatest of my life. This was both of our first long term relationships, and we were basically each others first lovers as well. We formed a bond greater than I imagined possible, and I loved and still do love her more dearly than anyone on this earth.
>
> Now, let me tell you first the circumstances of how we broke up. We were together for 2 years but and at the end we had been living together for about 8 months, but I was about to move out on my own again. I had been feeling a build up for a few months, that something was wrong, that I needed to get away from the relationship. I knew I had some issues too which needed working on, to make my love comparable to hers. She was so pure and honest and totally loving and devoted, while I was still cynical in ways and did not fully understand or appreciate what a wonderful gift I had. I realized this and it made me feel really guilty, so I ended up asking her if we could take some time apart. I told her I had some issues I had to work on and I needed to be alone.
>
> I moved out and a month or so passed with me rarely talking to her. Deep down i still loved her with all my heart , but I did not want to string her along while I was unsure of my state. Meanwhile she was devastated (far worse than I knew at the time) and cried her eyes out for a month. Then, as she later told me, she had her last cry. She was done and over me.
> However the story did not end there...
>
> About a month after I moved out, she told me she wanted to come see me, because some fellow had asked her out, and she wanted to see if she still had feelings for me. This caused a lot of jealousy in me, and all of a sudden it hit me.. what the hell am I doing? I realized I was going about things all wrong and that I really did feel she's my soul mate. She came over and we ended up making love and talking deeply all night. The next night she invited me over to her place, and she initiated making love again. I was as happy as a bumblebee, determined that the month apart had really done good for me.. I now realized how precious she was and that I now knew how to express to her how grateful I was and how much I loved her.
>
> Then 2 days later, on my birthday, she calls me at work, and tells me 'Im sorry it felt wrong, I have no romantic feelings for you anymore. Its over, Im sorry'. This was a total shock to me and I was shaken to the core. I did not sleep for 3 days after this and my despair and crying was so great I thought now and then of ending it all just to escape this nightmare. Now that I felt I had matured, and really appreciated and was ready to love her with my all, she was now shunning me and there is nothing I can do.
>
> About 2 weeks later and she is now referring to the guy was interested as her 'boyfriend'. Apparently they are together now and he is even spending nights over there which makes me want to vomit. This is a woman who claimed over and over that we were soul mates, that she would love me forever, and did not want anyone else. Then 2 weeks after making love to me she has already moved on, and can make love to this guy without even thinking about me. I have talked to and cried to her many times and she is totally adamant, that she has zero romantic interest anymore and that I need to 'move on'.
>
> Now it has been about 3 weeks total since my birthday, and I am not getting any better.. in fact my love for her seems to keep growing, along with my regret. She is easily the most amazing person I have met, and I honestly would have married her some day. I still feel like we are soul mates even though that is definitely a one-sided feeling now. I can barely sleep anymore, every time I wake up I am hit with this horrible sadness and regret and just start crying looking at her picture. We had so many amazing times and I think our possibilites for our love were beyond imagination. It felt like no mater what the darkness in the world , or the hardships of our lives, our love would shine through it all. Now it all rings hollow, and feels like a lie. Her moving on so quickly is evidence enough of that.
> I realized I handled myself somewhat immaturely, by pushing her away and not realizing what I was doing to her. I foolishly thought her vows of true love forever were genuine and that I could count on her to be there and have faith in me during my struggles. Instead, I am already just a 'pleasant memory' to her, and all I have to show of the greatest 2 years of my life is some photographs and love letters full of lies.
>
> Life without her seems so dim and bleak, every time I think of her smile I start crying. I just ask myself why God did things have to turn out like this? I was just doing what I thought was right and I ended up losing my greatest love.
> Now every night I feel so alone missing my dear love next to me, and eveyr day remembering another memory that is just blurry and fading now.
>
> I really wish I could get over this and be happy again, but my regret and sadness just seem to grow more and more as time makes it increasingly final. If anyone has any advice for me besides 'give it time' I would love to hear it.
> I feel like the greatest thing I had in life is now totally lost, and never even was as awesome as I imagined, or it couldnt have been extinguished so easily. I feel very hopeless and
> I have trouble eating and sleeping. I have tried going out with friends and its no fun, I just mope and wish to be home in bed crying.
poster:ValerieF
thread:269576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/274655.html