Posted by Susan J on October 28, 2003, at 14:56:23
In reply to Re: I know, posted by jeff g on October 28, 2003, at 14:31:13
Hi, Jeff,
Thanks for telling me what's going on. I was wondering how things were with you. :-)
>>This boosted my hopes a lot, so now I am waiting for her to call me again.
<<You know, I've been a little bummed recently over a psycho breakup between my brother and his sis-in-law, and the effect it's having on their son. My heart aches for all involved. And a friend here at babble told me to live for today, not tomorrow, not yesterday. Just make this day good. Deal with this day separately, not related to, what happened in the past, or what you *want* to happen in the future.It's great you enjoyed that sunday brunch with her, but try to focus on the joy of the moment and not the joy or anxiety you may feel about what that great brunch *might mean.*
>>I know she probably just had a good time as friends, but I saw some of that gleam in her eye that used to be there, she wasnt so cold like she has been lately.
<<Take that as the genuine fondness for you that it is. But try not to read into it to see what it might hold for your future. I know it's tough, but I think it's the only way to sanity.>> I don't know how healthy it is to pine so much for someone who has possibly moved on completely.
<<Hahah, you are so asking the wrong person that question, because I've done it so often in my own life. What this exercise does for you is prolong both *hope* and *pain.* Is the hope worth the pain? Yeah, you probably say. That's what *I* would say.But think of it like this. If there really is something between the two of you, it can survive distance and time. Soooo, it's much healthier to focus on *you*. Mot you with her, not you waiting for her, not you trying to make yourself better for her....Just you.
If you can do that and keep doing it, your strong feelings for her will start going away. I know that sounds scary in itself, but trust me....if there's really something there, those feelings can be rekindled. In the mean time you are focusing on you and loving yourself. Try to spend more time thinking about and idolizing yourself as you do thinking about and idolizing her. Really. It's tough, but sometimes you have to break out of certain thought patterns to get better (less pain) more quickly....
Also, people are attracted to a person's who's happy and carefree. You'll be more attractive to her and to others if you can break that bond with her. Sometimes, if a person continues to love you and you don't feel the same, their presence can be overwhelming and you want to run away even more....In otherwords, if she thinks you're pining for her, that's unattractive to her....
You are the most important person here. You. Gotta focus on you. OK?
But my love is so strong, and I feel like we have so much potential, that I don't know how to let go and get 'over her'.You cannot go wrong if you nuture yourself, love yourself, improve yourself for *you.* You just can't. And it will show to all those who are around you....maybe even her somewhere down the road...
Good luck, I'm thinking of ya,
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:269576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/274357.html