![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by sweet77 on November 19, 2003, at 23:25:33
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 21:51:11
hey karen.... dont fel bad i masterbate with thought of my therpist tooooo now i feel alil better knowing there is someone out there that does that too .. only problemis he dont know ugh ugh ugh ... he dont even know i have feelings for ugh ... i can tell him ... i am scared he will get rid of me and the pain will be too much i dunno ugh ugh
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2003, at 9:49:34
In reply to Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 17:46:59
Karen? Two questions occurred to me from your post.
Why does he think yuo need the hook of your crush on him to continue to come into therapy? Is it true? If it is or isn't, maybe that should be a topic of conversation.
If you got the impression he was enjoying your fantasies a bit too much, could you tell him you got that impression? Unfortunately it does happen and it might interfere with the progress of therapy if it's true. My therapist gently accepts my thinking of him as my therapist/mommy, the mother dog to my newborn pup, the warm milky teat. But he certainly doesn't try to encourage it. lol. He wouldn't try to keep me there and is eager to see my toddling steps towards independence, even if he realizes that they scare me. If you're wondering if he's getting gratification from your fantasies, I would think that is a legitimate question. It's certainly better to ask it than to have hopes/fears about it.
Posted by judy1 on November 20, 2003, at 9:50:32
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 21:51:11
I've hit on just about every (older) male therapist I have had (usually when manic). I don't feel yours crossed any boundaries, I'm sure he has run into this type of situation before and handled it properly. You are building a trusting, therapeutic relationship and he's encouraging you to be honest. There's nothing wrong with that. You might want to explore why you have these feelings for him (other than a daddy). These type of feelings don't come up with female therapists, but then you wouldn't get a chance to explore them.
take care, judy
Posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 12:09:33
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 21:51:11
Ok, this is totally the pot calling the kettle black, BUT -- when you script the session aren't you then avoiding what might be hard. Even talking about that you do that, takes up time and avoids the "why" question. Of course you want to control things: why?
You are essentially practicing your emotional response before you get there. You are being honest about your actions but are looking for the "correct" feeling(s) -- Like you said, you just want to please him: why? Are you pleasing yourself? How scary is spontaneous for you? (scares me to death!)And, how much of your REAL life aren't you living if your head is *always* in session?
It is so hard, isn't it? I really thought 6 months ago if I could get to the "aha!" then I would suddenly feel better. Understanding and intellectualizing has always worked before. My Therapist keeps encouraging me to stop thinking of it in terms of "fixing" but instead to try to use the word "healing". It is hard because I feel broken. He calls me wounded. I feel immature and ridiculous half the time. He considers that progress. Ugh.
I'll say it again: you were/are amazingly brave to have been so honest. Now, go the next step and don't practice how you should feel. Just feel. Easier said than done, don't I know.
-D
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:11:15
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?) » karen_kay, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2003, at 9:49:34
>Well, a huge part of my issues I need to deal with at this point are sexual in nature. And the rest of my issues stem from this. He doesn't openly initiate conversation about my feelings for him, but at this point I am leading the sessions. I think his point is that I should have no guilt associated with sexual thoughts, reguardless of what they are about. But, I am the one who seems to want to discuss this matter, because I do not want the crush to continue. He seems adamant in his stance that it is causing no harm. I am the one bringing it into the session, not him. But, I continue to bring it because I feel guilty.> Why does he think yuo need the hook of your crush on him to continue to come into therapy? Is it true? If it is or isn't, maybe that should be a topic of conversation.
>
> If you got the impression he was enjoying your fantasies a bit too much, could you tell him you got that impression? Unfortunately it does happen and it might interfere with the progress of therapy if it's true. My therapist gently accepts my thinking of him as my therapist/mommy, the mother dog to my newborn pup, the warm milky teat. But he certainly doesn't try to encourage it. lol. He wouldn't try to keep me there and is eager to see my toddling steps towards independence, even if he realizes that they scare me. If you're wondering if he's getting gratification from your fantasies, I would think that is a legitimate question. It's certainly better to ask it than to have hopes/fears about it.I tend to over-analyze situations. Since I am not feeling guilty about my fantasy I should leave well enough alone, right? I think that with him taking it to the next level and actually giving me permission, in my head I feel I justified it as him saying, "I might like it that she thinks of me that way." I am just hypersensitive about sexual remarks and strive to find motivation behind the context. Another example. He tells me I look beautiful every session. The reason is to help me realize that a man can make a comment like that without looking at me in a lustful way. However, in my head I still get it confused that he is. I don't find it disturbing or upsetting, just confusing. I know that eventually it will click and I'll get it, but right now it just confuses my little head :( Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.
I really have made a lot of progress since I started my sessions with him. My moods are stable, and I've not SIed, I'm not taking any antianxiety meds, and my grades are really improving. And I feel wonderful. And he continues to encourage me.
I think next week I'll briefly discuss this with him. But, I do think that most importantly from a stupid (stupid stupid!!) outburst came a turning point in my therapy. And for that I am truly grateful.
Posted by underthecs on November 20, 2003, at 12:14:50
In reply to Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by karen_kay on November 19, 2003, at 17:46:59
You're awesome! Could you please come to my sessions and speak for me? Keep us updated. Good luck (though it sounds like you don't need it).
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:30:44
In reply to Re: what do you mean? » karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 12:09:33
> Ok, this is totally the pot calling the kettle black, BUT -- when you script the session aren't you then avoiding what might be hard. Even talking about that you do that, takes up time and avoids the "why" question. Of course you want to control things: why?
>Because growing up I Never had control. I have to have control now or I fall apart. Right now during therapy, he gives me control and it is working. He lets me lead the sessions. And this has led to me remembering things from my childhood, being less resistant (and let me tell you, I am the Queen of Restistance!), and progress in general. I think though, that since I was so honest last session, I might want to reexamine our routine and let him drive. No harm in letting him be on top every once in a while.
I think that letting me be in control for a while showed me that I could trust him. It was a power struggle of sorts and it really showed me that he didn't mind letting me lead us for a while. I really appreciate him for doing that, but I think this is something that we will definetly talk about next session. Your point is well taken hun! But, it was important for me to know that I could trust him to let me have control for a while and test the water, so to speak.
> You are essentially practicing your emotional response before you get there. You are being honest about your actions but are looking for the "correct" feeling(s) -- Like you said, you just want to please him: why?:( I CANNOT believe I am telling you this... I should print this out... Because I have decided that I don't don't deserve to be happy (I had a rough childhood, basically severely abused by both parents in different ways and decided that I must be a bad person). My best bet is to try to make everyone else happy. I want to be what everyone else wants me to be.
Are you pleasing yourself?
Ummmm....see aboveHow scary is spontaneous for you? (scares me to death!)
I'm spontaneous to a point, but only when it serves its purpose. Well, I guess I am impulsive. Too, impulsive.And, how much of your REAL life aren't you living if your head is *always* in session?
>It isn't always in session. My biggest problem is that I am not very good at anticipating what he'll say. So, I become resistant and just don't talk because I don't know what he wants me to say.
> It is so hard, isn't it? I really thought 6 months ago if I could get to the "aha!" then I would suddenly feel better. Understanding and intellectualizing has always worked before. My Therapist keeps encouraging me to stop thinking of it in terms of "fixing" but instead to try to use the word "healing". It is hard because I feel broken. He calls me wounded. I feel immature and ridiculous half the time. He considers that progress. Ugh.
>I too feel immature and I really hate that feeling. I want to be a woman, not a little girl. Soemtimes I think it is better to say nothing than to say something stupid or something wrong.
> I'll say it again: you were/are amazingly brave to have been so honest. Now, go the next step and don't practice how you should feel. Just feel. Easier said than done, don't I know.>I'm just afraid that sometimes I don't really feel anything. I've really pushed my emotions deep inside that I almost don't feel them anymore. Is that possible?
Karen
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:35:55
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?) » karen_kay, posted by underthecs on November 20, 2003, at 12:14:50
>Wow! Thank you so very much! It really hit me yesterday that I said something that maybe I should not have said, but everyone here keeps telling me I did the right thing. And I am sure you wouldn't wnat me to come and speak for you at your sessions. Trust me on this one :) Good luck at your sessions too! Karen
You're awesome! Could you please come to my sessions and speak for me? Keep us updated. Good luck (though it sounds like you don't need it).
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 13:03:35
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?), posted by sweet77 on November 19, 2003, at 23:25:33
> Hi sweet!
I want to direct you to a previous post at the top of this page. It is
Transference crisis <<sadmom DinahProps to Dinah for accurately explaining transference in a way that everyone can relate. Please read this post.
Now, your therapist is professionaly trained to handle cases of transference. You should tell him about your feelings. It will help you to make such a leap in therapy! He should not terminate your therapy because you tell him you are developing feelilngs for him. It is very common.I really urge you to take this step. I know that it seems so hard to do, but once you do it imagine all the things you will be free to dicuss with him! It is almost like you have no secrets anymore! Someone you can talk to about anything, and they don't judge you! Please, get this off your chest! You'll be glad you did! Now, hun, go read that post. Karen
Posted by joslynn on November 20, 2003, at 13:10:29
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? (long, kinda?) » karen_kay, posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:35:55
I hope I am not out of line in saying this, especially as a newbie, but for some reason the "Now it's consensual" comment you said he made gave me a little pink flag feeling. I don't know why and it could have more to do with my own stuff than you.
Consent means "To give assent or approval." It's not just saying "That's ok" it's saying "I approve."
I guess that to me, the word "consensual" in the case would sound to me like he was condoning his emotional participation in some way? Not that any of this would be literal...but figuratively, the word to me sounds like something two people do together. "Consensual" is not something that one person has, it involves more than one person, e.g., the phrase "Consensual opinion." "Now it's consensual" to my ears would sound like he was not just saying my fantasies were ok, but that on some level, he agreed with them.
I'm a writer, so I do tend to get hung up on words, and maybe that's all this is. I just wanted to let you know another opinion, since you asked.
(I don't even think he did anything technically wrong, but that word choice is not one I would have made if I were in his position. And of course I would be The Perfect Therapist, lol)
I am sorry you experienced that abuse in your childhood and I hope this post does not bring up any bad feelings. It's just another angle.
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 14:29:37
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? consensual, posted by joslynn on November 20, 2003, at 13:10:29
> I hope I am not out of line in saying this, especially as a newbie, but for some reason the "Now it's consensual" comment you said he made gave me a little pink flag feeling. I don't know why and it could have more to do with my own stuff than you.
I too get hung up on the wording!!! And I appreciate the input! That is what struck me as odd, the wording of it. That is why I tend to think that maybe he gets a kick out of the whole thing. I do appreciate your input.
...but figuratively, the word to me sounds like something two people do together. "Consensual" is not something that one person has, it involves more than one person, e.g., the phrase "Consensual opinion." "Now it's consensual" to my ears would sound like he was not just saying my fantasies were ok, but that on some level, he agreed with them.
>
>But, maybe he was just agreeing that it was ok to fantasize. But, I too favor that it was possibly improper word usage. Tends to get my hopes up:(
> (I don't even think he did anything technically wrong, but that word choice is not one I would have made if I were in his position. And of course I would be The Perfect Therapist, lol)
>>
>I agree that he didn't do anything technically wrong and it did have the desired results. And no, it didn't bring up any bad feelings at all. Feel free to speak up, even if your opinion differs from the rest. I thought maybe I was odd in thinking something was wrong with what he said. At least someone else agrees that he may have used different wording. Thanks for helping to put my mind at ease! Karen
>
>
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 18:07:39
In reply to Re: Ok, did he handle this properly? consensual, posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 14:29:37
Hey! Maybe he was on to something! Since you guys don't know me I feel like I can share this. I had my first orgasm today! Yahooooo!!!! for Karen! I didn't feel guilty at all! I even thought about calling my therapist, but I thought maybe this can wait until Tuesday. Now, I just have to stay clear of inappropriate comments like, "And you were there," ect. But, they are so very tempting. Thank you everyone for listening and the input!! I do appreciate it. Maybe sex isn't such a bad thing?
Karen
Posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 18:45:46
In reply to Big news!, posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 18:07:39
LOL -- LOL -- LOL--
Good for you! And, ahhh...keep up the good work???
We haven't talked about THAT as a coping skill but maybe i should add it to the list?! (Not that brave, yet, if ever.)
-D
Posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 18:50:57
In reply to Re: Big news! » karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 18:45:46
>D- I just have to say, hun I think I love you.. You are truly one of my fav people to chat with on here! Karen
LOL -- LOL -- LOL--
>
> Good for you! And, ahhh...keep up the good work???
>
> We haven't talked about THAT as a coping skill but maybe i should add it to the list?! (Not that brave, yet, if ever.)
> -D
Posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 19:57:34
In reply to Re: what do you mean? » DaisyM, posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 12:30:44
>:( I CANNOT believe I am telling you this... I should print this out... Because I have decided that I don't don't deserve to be happy (I had a rough childhood, basically severely abused by both parents in different ways and decided that I must be a bad person). My best bet is to try to make everyone else happy. I want to be what everyone else wants me to be.
<<<Oh Karen, that must have been very hard to admit, say (type). Thank you for sharing it with me. I hope you've said it in therapy, giving it the weight it deserves. I so understand needing to be perfect for everyone else. But being a chameleon is exhausting, don't you think?
>It isn't always in session. My biggest problem is that I am not very good at anticipating what he'll say. So, I become resistant and just don't talk because I don't know what he wants me to say.
>>I know you know this, but you are suppose to say what YOU want to say, and then he holds it and responds (or not). It sounds like you've made huge head way though -- blurting is progress! And, I didn't mean to make assumptions about where your thoughts might be! :)
<I'm just afraid that sometimes I don't really feel anything. I've really pushed my emotions deep inside that I almost don't feel them anymore. Is that possible?
>>Totally possible. It is what I have been working on for 6 months. FallsFalls told me awhile ago that trying to capture post session emotions was a good step to finding them during sessions. Practice putting them into words. My Therapist told me I had exiled that part of myself so I had no vocabulary at first. I will say that now it is 50/50 proposition if I'm going to "feel" or not -- I'm getting better at it. I still have memories totally devoid of feelings however. It is weird. I can see what is happening and I can have feelings in the here and now -- but I can't get to what I felt then. Speaks to the horror, doesn't it?
Anyway, I appreciate how much you've been willing to share here. Feel the cyber-hug and my glowing (flat screen) admiration! :)
-D
Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 9:28:21
In reply to Re: what do you mean? » karen_kay, posted by DaisyM on November 20, 2003, at 19:57:34
I hope you've said it in therapy, giving it the weight it deserves.
<I have told him several times that I just want to say what he wants me to. He has told me several times that he just wants me to be honest. But, it just seems so hard. I'm not sure to what degree to be honest. I'm not sure when I'm going too far. I don't know what I need to talk about. It's so confusing! And it seems that what he wants me to talk about (ie my dad) I really don't want to talk about, because I'm afraid that I might get to a point where I may really come to need my therapist and I HATE being needy. I've never needed anyone in the past, and I don't intend to start needing anyone in the future! (Stubborn, aren't I? :)I so understand needing to be perfect for everyone else. But being a chameleon is exhausting, don't you think?
<Not nearly as exhausting as trying to figure out who I really am!
> >>Totally possible. It is what I have been working on for 6 months. FallsFalls told me awhile ago that trying to capture post session emotions was a good step to finding them during sessions. Practice putting them into words. My Therapist told me I had exiled that part of myself so I had no vocabulary at first. I will say that now it is 50/50 proposition if I'm going to "feel" or not -- I'm getting better at it. I still have memories totally devoid of feelings however. It is weird. I can see what is happening and I can have feelings in the here and now -- but I can't get to what I felt then. Speaks to the horror, doesn't it?
<My problem at this point is that I still don't have many memories of my childhood at all. My memory is so bad, I have a hard time remembering my birthdate. I can watch the same film 3 or 4 times and not remember the ending. It is improving a bit though. But, I really don't have feelings associated with what little memories I do have. Maybe a bit of shock, but not fear or hurt or anger. Nothing like that. Another odd thing I have noticed about myself is that the only time I cry is when someone hurts my feelings (ie they don't have time for me ) or makes me feel dumb.Thanks so much for your support! You have been such a sweet heart! Good luck working through the things that you are going through as well.
Karen
>
Posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 10:11:19
In reply to Big news!, posted by karen_kay on November 20, 2003, at 18:07:39
i think you definitely should tell him he was there and that he had one, too! hey, he CONSENTED to it!
if i were him, i'd be honored.
> Hey! Maybe he was on to something! Since you guys don't know me I feel like I can share this. I had my first orgasm today! Yahooooo!!!! for Karen! I didn't feel guilty at all! I even thought about calling my therapist, but I thought maybe this can wait until Tuesday. Now, I just have to stay clear of inappropriate comments like, "And you were there," ect. But, they are so very tempting. Thank you everyone for listening and the input!! I do appreciate it. Maybe sex isn't such a bad thing?
> Karen
Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 11:17:37
In reply to Re: Big news!, posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 10:11:19
> i think you definitely should tell him he was there and that he had one, too! hey, he CONSENTED to it!
<STOP putting ideas in my head! :) I'm sure he'd just laugh!
> if i were him, i'd be honored.
<Really? What do you mean by that exactly? See, comments like that throw me off! Please explain this one to me, ok!
>
Posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 11:21:52
In reply to Re: Big news! » crushedout, posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 11:17:37
> > i think you definitely should tell him he was there and that he had one, too! hey, he CONSENTED to it!
>
> <STOP putting ideas in my head! :) I'm sure he'd just laugh!yes, i bet he would. he'd get a kick out of it for sure. it certainly couldn't do any harm.
> > if i were him, i'd be honored.
>
> <Really? What do you mean by that exactly? See, comments like that throw me off! Please explain this one to me, ok!well, it's a special, meaningful moment, and it's a sign of growth for you. if he cares about you, he should be happy for you and happy to have been a part of your growth. he can appreciate your sexuality without crossing any boundaries he shouldn't. does that make sense?
Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 11:52:22
In reply to Re: Big news!, posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 11:21:52
> > > i think you definitely should tell him he was there and that he had one, too! hey, he CONSENTED to it!
>Right, but I'm confused as to where to draw the line. Is there a line? There is being honest and then there is being inappropriate, right? I mean, in real life I would make comments like that all the time, but to my therapist I would make jokes about that. But, now he knows I am being honest. I'm just not sure about where to draw the line. And if I am making him uncomfortable. Well, I don't care about making him uncomfortable. But, I wouldn't wnat him to say, "Now Karen, let's discuss something else." I might cry and I am not a crier!!!
See what I'm getting at?
Where go you draw the line?> well, it's a special, meaningful moment, and it's a sign of growth for you. if he cares about you, he should be happy for you and happy to have been a part of your growth. he can appreciate your sexuality without crossing any boundaries he shouldn't. does that make sense?
<<Yes it sure does! If only he would cross those boundaries :) JUST KIDDING!!!! He's such a great therapist I wouldn't have it any other way!
Posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 14:10:34
In reply to Re: Big news! » crushedout, posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 11:52:22
i don't there are any limitations on what you can say, and if there are, saying that would definitely be within the boundary. i worry whether there are certain things i shouldn't be explicit about with my therapist, too, but i think i can say anything i want to, really.
the boundaries are on our behavior (i.e., we can't run across the room and jump their bones), not on our words.
in terms of making them uncomfortable, i think it's hard to do. they're used to this stuff. i have a friend who tells his T *exactly* what he'd like to do to her sexually almost every session, and she just responds to what he's feeling the way a T should. she doesn't lead him on sexually -- she just allows him to express what his desires are and then they talk about them.
remember: you're paying *him* so you get to decide what you talk about. if you want to talk about your sexual fantasies about him all the time, that should be up to you (and it may in fact be very helpful).
just my two cents.
crushed
> > > > i think you definitely should tell him he was there and that he had one, too! hey, he CONSENTED to it!
>
> >Right, but I'm confused as to where to draw the line. Is there a line? There is being honest and then there is being inappropriate, right? I mean, in real life I would make comments like that all the time, but to my therapist I would make jokes about that. But, now he knows I am being honest. I'm just not sure about where to draw the line. And if I am making him uncomfortable. Well, I don't care about making him uncomfortable. But, I wouldn't wnat him to say, "Now Karen, let's discuss something else." I might cry and I am not a crier!!!
> See what I'm getting at?
> Where go you draw the line?
>
>
>
> > well, it's a special, meaningful moment, and it's a sign of growth for you. if he cares about you, he should be happy for you and happy to have been a part of your growth. he can appreciate your sexuality without crossing any boundaries he shouldn't. does that make sense?
>
> <<Yes it sure does! If only he would cross those boundaries :) JUST KIDDING!!!! He's such a great therapist I wouldn't have it any other way!
>
>
Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 16:17:56
In reply to Re: Big news!, posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 14:10:34
Yee haw! Now I'm psyched to see him again! You mean I can say ANYTHING I want and not have to worry about being inappropriate? This whole time, I've had such a fear of not being the best client, but in doing so I've not being doing my part as a client. I've been holding back big time. Maybe it is time to start being honest. And I guess it can start with my fantasies of him, right? I shouldn't care so much about pleasing him. Or, better yet, maybe I'll be pleasing him even more by telling him what I really think. So, you promise, there is NO such thing as inappropriate? I would be so hurt if he tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. It would just cause me to close down again. One interesting note though, at the last session, when I admitted to my fantasies, he ended the session about 10 minutes early. Usually we go over. Is this strange? See, I pick up on stuff like this.
Karen
Posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 16:54:53
In reply to Re: Big news!, posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 16:17:56
Hmm, I'm guessing that was a coincidence that he ended the session early. But all you have to do is ask him. I bet he'll reassure you it had nothing to do with what you said. And if not, then you'll talk about why he was uncomfortable (this seems unlikely).
Yep, we get to say ANYTHING we want. It's really very exciting. We shouldn't hold back. We're doing this for ourselves.
I can't promise there's no such thing as inappropriate, but I'm guessing there is not. I think we should both just come right out and ask our therapists what they think, whether there are any things or subjects they don't want us to talk about, or WORDS even (sometimes I wonder whether I could be a little raunchier and less clinical). I'm betting they're going to give us full rein.
> Yee haw! Now I'm psyched to see him again! You mean I can say ANYTHING I want and not have to worry about being inappropriate? This whole time, I've had such a fear of not being the best client, but in doing so I've not being doing my part as a client. I've been holding back big time. Maybe it is time to start being honest. And I guess it can start with my fantasies of him, right? I shouldn't care so much about pleasing him. Or, better yet, maybe I'll be pleasing him even more by telling him what I really think. So, you promise, there is NO such thing as inappropriate? I would be so hurt if he tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. It would just cause me to close down again. One interesting note though, at the last session, when I admitted to my fantasies, he ended the session about 10 minutes early. Usually we go over. Is this strange? See, I pick up on stuff like this.
> Karen
Posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 17:58:01
In reply to Re: Big news!, posted by crushedout on November 21, 2003, at 16:54:53
I think it is highly unlikely he was uncomfortable as well, especially with his response. So, I'll not ask. It is not that important to me, just an observation. But, if he admitted to being uncomfortable in that situation I would purposely continue to bring up my fantasies during sessions in which I felt uncomfortable. That's the way I work. If you make me feel uncomfortable, I want you to feel the same. So, it is best that I don't know for sure. But, if you make me feel happy, I want to make you happy! Hmmm... maybe I should ask him why he thinks I do this. Wow, I'm really learning a lot from this experience!!
>
> Yep, we get to say ANYTHING we want. It's really very exciting. We shouldn't hold back. We're doing this for ourselves.
<<Yeah, but there is SO much to say and so little time to say it.. It is so hard to know what is important... Like that comment I made to him really made a big impact both in and out of therapy. Who could have known? I just have a hard time judging what is important and what is not. But, I don't like to be steered away from discussing something either. And at this point, he doesn't ask any questions or try to control the conversation in any way, he lets me drive (which I prefer). He only comments and adds his two cents. I think I'm going to allow him to be on top for a while and see where that takes us. This could be fun.
> I can't promise there's no such thing as inappropriate, but I'm guessing there is not. I think we should both just come right out and ask our therapists what they think, whether there are any things or subjects they don't want us to talk about, or WORDS even (sometimes I wonder whether I could be a little raunchier and less clinical). I'm betting they're going to give us full rein.<<I just think that maybe I'm too inappropriate, because it *seems* like a professional setting. He calls me on it though. Oh, I hate it when he does that, and he knows it! He'll make innocent comments that I'll turn into sexual comments and he'll say "How do you mean?" and I just shut up. He knows how to get me to shut up super quick.
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Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2003, at 21:01:47
In reply to Re: Big news!, posted by karen_kay on November 21, 2003, at 17:58:01
Yup, you get to say ANYTHING! You'll know whether you've got a good therapist or not by whether he's able to HEAR everything. Just wanted to add - I love your big news!
Pfinstegg
This is the end of the thread.
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