Posted by Cecilia on November 24, 2001, at 3:08:19
In reply to But Paula, posted by Mair on November 23, 2001, at 19:48:40
I feel like I`ve been living an "As If" life my whole life. I go to work and when peopLe ask how I am I say "fine" even though the correct answer for the past 30 years would be "suicidal". When I graduated from college I planned to kill myself because there was no way I could imagine being able to support myself but I didn`t have the courage and realized that my only alternative was to figure out how to "fake it" well enough to earn a living, despite extreme shyness and depression. It still amazes me that I was able to do it, but under the false smile I don`t really feel there`s anyone there at all. And yes, there`s a lot of anger, but no one in particular to turn it towards except myself .
poster:Cecilia
thread:14065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14249.html