Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2001, at 17:06:51
In reply to Re: Whatever happened to anger turned inward? » Dinah, posted by sar on November 20, 2001, at 12:41:03
> Dinah,
> if there's something wrong with your marrigae, i don't think you should act "as if" everything is okay--Hi sar,
That isn't really what I meant. It's not a passive pretense that everything is OK. It's a very active decision to act differently - to not wait until the problems are solved or the other person behaves the way you would like, but to behave in the loving way you would want to feel in a marriage. The idea is that it breaks the unproductive cycle that you get in in a relationship, and encourages positive change. And actually it is a very effective relationship technique, in my experience. As I said, behaving "as if" is good in an interpersonal sense. It just doesn't change my internal feelings.
> arrrgghhh...i'm getting way too repetitive, i just don't think anyone should be an "as if" person.No argument here. :(
poster:Dinah
thread:14065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14130.html