Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2001, at 8:52:42
In reply to Re: Whatever happened to anger turned inward? » Dinah, posted by sar on November 20, 2001, at 0:23:15
> dear Dinah,
>
> what do you mean by an "as if" person?I have heard the theory of doing the actions and the feelings and thoughts will follow described like this. If you and your husband are having trouble, act as if everything were great. Presumably in time, he will respond to this treatment and both of your feelings will improve towards one another.(It will break the cycle you are in.) Or if you feel nervous about a meeting, act as if you are confident and you will feel more confident. Or if you are feeling empty, do something good for someone else and it will bring feelings of purpose to you. Or if you are having trouble feeling pleasure or joy, act as if you are still having loving feelings towards your dogs (for a personal example). Pick them up, cuddle them, enjoy their softness, do all the things you would do if you felt OK. You will get the good feelings that come from the actions. I've just never found this to be true for me, although heaven knows I've tried. So I do act "as if" but I feel that there is nothing under the acting, hence the "as if" person.
> this is a new principle for me, one i intermittently use by trial-and-error.
>
> what makes you feel good? what brings you joy?At the moment I'm afraid nothing brings me joy. Being alone, reading, taking hot baths help me feel relaxed and comfortable.
I really shouldn't have posted as I did. I didn't mean to be discouraging. Intellectually I still believe in the as if theory. It may well work very well for you and is certainly worth trying. If nothing else, it makes life easier since acting as if makes interpersonal relationships easier.
poster:Dinah
thread:14065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14113.html