Posted by paula on November 22, 2001, at 22:15:09
In reply to Re: Whatever happened to anger turned inward? » Dinah, posted by Mair on November 20, 2001, at 21:46:13
This technique is also used in performance anxiety situations. Say you're a trumpet player. Now you could get on stage an "apologize" for your playing with your body language, and generally feel pretty bad. Or you can pretend, for instance, that you're Wynton Marsalis. That is to say, you act AS IF you were a great virtuoso. Amazing things happen when folks do this exercise. Somehow when you're "acting" you have the freedom to take more risks. Not only can playing improve, but so can body language--both of which have an enormous effect on what the audience experiences.
The relevance of this technique for me is this. For so long I was concerned with what other people thought. If I could fool them by acting "as if" I were the person I wanted to be, then their positive reaction created the only reality that I valued. If they were "happy," I was "happy." Plus, what's the difference between acting and being anyhow? (I'm not sure any of this makes sense!)
What's interesting to me is that this worked a great deal for me. BUT--it was one in a long line of techniques I discovered and employed in a decades-long effort to pull myself up by the bootstraps. EVentually I couldn't "pull" anymore, at which point I discovered that I wasn't a bad person, just a depressive. (What a "relief!") For me the "as if" thing is a useful tool, but not the be-all and end-all.
Just some ideas....
(your resident trumpeter) paula
> "The idea is that it breaks the unproductive cycle that you get in in a relationship, and encourages positive change. And actually it is a very effective relationship technique, in my experience. As I said, behaving "as if" is good in an interpersonal sense. It just doesn't change my internal feelings."
> >
> >
> If it doesn't change the internal feelings, what then is the point? I'm not trying to be glib, I'm just not sure i understand this.
>
> Mair
poster:paula
thread:14065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14207.html