Posted by kara lynne on July 6, 2003, at 13:16:40
In reply to Re: I'm going nuts. » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on July 6, 2003, at 9:44:17
But that's the whole thing, Gracie--he's *not* apologizing all over the place and remorseful; he's acting like it's no big thing. I mean sometimes he says he's sorry for the "words he said, he shouldn't have used them." And I do think you know the words I'm talking about. And it wasn't the first time he's used them, or that one that is so demeaning, specifically. And I have asked him when we're not arguing, please not to use that word even in anger because it really disturbs me. The other things like calling me a pig is pretty interesting because I weigh about 98 pounds and he is over 200 (and not tall enough for it). I was tempted to say something when he called me that during a couple of these episodes, but I refrained. His mother on the other hand, is obese and domineering and I think she has done quite a number on him that he is in denial about.
But his tirades have definitely escalated, and my counselor said they were on their way to getting even worse. There have been 3 or 4 and this was by far the most extreme.
But it's his downplaying it that has me confused now. I start to think maybe I over-reacted. I reminded one friend of mine that he told me to get my things and get out at 1am and she said people say things like that when they're mad. (I don't talk to her a lot during this, because I'm afraid she would have me call him.)
I didn't call him and I'm glad I didn't, but tonight I'll be here again going through the same thing. It was that he emailed and said he just wanted to come over and give me a hug because he missed me so much, and I was going through such hell missing him. I emailed and said that wouldn't be a good idea, that I wanted more than a hug (sorry if I'm being redundant, I just posted that somewhere).
He just wants to come right on by and be my best friend now, which is really insulting!! Nowhere did he say he wanted more, or that he was so sorry.
It's just got me nuts, that's all.
fallsfall your memory is fine. I've been qvetching and moaning for months about him, bereft on Valentine's day and most other days because he wasn't around. But now he's moving to a place where he will have his office right outside the main house, so I'm thinking I left right before the miracle. I don't know why things happen like that; he was just about to move into a better place and clean up his whole act and we fall apart. But he was just about to move into a better place *and* he still didn't really want to marry me after this long, and he still found it within himself to say such hurtful things to me. I'm trying so hard to remember that. Also, or so I'm told, anything real will survive this separation and if we are meant to come back together we will. Even if it's not true it's comforting, although somewhere deep down I really feel like it's over.
Sorry for the much too long pondering, and thanks for writing.
poster:kara lynne
thread:239290
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239679.html