Posted by kara lynne on July 6, 2003, at 20:15:51
In reply to Re: I'm going nuts. » kara lynne, posted by whiterabbit on July 6, 2003, at 15:34:04
I am trying hard to be strong and this helps. Thank you so much for your support. I showed the latest emails to my counselor and she said they were just full of manipulation. He didn't respect that I asked him for some time to myself first off, then he offers me nothing real, but appeals to some sentimental tug. Not that we don't all love animals, but he puts the cat almost above me in order of importance.
No, I can't just turn around and be palsy walsys with him, now or ever. I agree with everything you said, except that he's so overweight and out of shape I'm not sure I wouldn't be a match for him if he ever tried something physical. I don't know if he would, but he sure is good at wearing me completely down emotionally. Like gabbi says, sometimes that's worse. It's so insidious---that somehow here I am contemplating whether or not it's ok to be called a pig and a c***.
I'm sorry you were made to feel so unloved Gracie, I can surely relate. You said it perfectly, it was like my ex resented being in the relationship at all. When there is that underlying dynamic going on it just can't work. It permeates everything. I used to say what happened to *wanting* to be with me, to being eager to come home... I honestly don't know how we graduated to my looking like the demanding, needy female and him resenting every moment. Ironically I *like* my space, I am not an intrinsically smothering person, it's just that any need beside his own was just repulsive to him. It came to be that ordinary things were rendered unreasonable; eg. the desire to have him come in before 5am most nights of the week.
Well I made it through last night. I am going to dinner with a friend now, and God willing I will make it through another without calling him. And then another and another-- until one day, mercifully, this will be the past. Thanks again.
poster:kara lynne
thread:239290
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239731.html