Posted by broken on January 31, 2005, at 15:35:04
In reply to Re: 3 days - lst yr anniversary of Dad's passing, posted by corafree on January 30, 2005, at 14:24:12
I posted this in social in response to your post there, and saw the same here... It isn't much help I know, but I thought I would repost..
Cora,
I so wish I coud give you an answer to your question.. I will tell you that you're 3 days away, I am 23 days away. For me it has not been one year, it has been 21 years. Do you think that is a long time? Do you think the pain is worse at the 1 year mark than it is the 21 year mark? Somehow I doubt it. I wish it were, if nothing else than to give you something to look forward to. I was 15 when I lost him, he died in our home. I put my arms around him in the hospital ER and similar to you, I begged him to get up, he didn't.
As a child then, I looked for all the answers, and unfortunately, am still trying to settle this in my own mind as you are, even after all these years. Where is my father now? Sometimes I look into the mirror, and I see him. Sometimes I look into my son's eyes, and I see him there. Sometimes, in my most difficult times, I feel him close by.
In short, I don't know the answer to your question. I don't think there is an answer without faith. For me, without faith, there is nothing but memories, but that is only me, and not meant to be a rule for others.
Congratulations on your first year. I chose to take hold of my pain like a child to a teddybear. It was one way to continue to hold on to him, without pain, what am I? Without pain for me, there is only the numbness and emptiness. I hope it goes differently for you..Godspeed
Broken
poster:broken
thread:448222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/450643.html