Posted by corafree on February 6, 2005, at 23:07:16
In reply to Re: 3 days - lst yr anniversary of Dad's passing, posted by corafree on January 30, 2005, at 14:24:12
My mother came to town in the midst of the onset of that feared day. I got confused. Dare say I mourn him more than she. I was 'wacked' that day and the following because of her presence (no she didn't stay w/ me.) Let me just say, she doesn't 'see' me. She cannot handle bad things.
My father validated my mental illness whereas my mother does not. Her presence in my space threw me into pretense; I lost touch w/ me, so much so that I didn't even turn on my computer. I apologize.
Anyway, that's why I'm just now responding. Your personal sharing has brought a happy tear to my eye.
Like the scab, there is something here we don't know about, not beyond imaging.
Every one of your posts, stacked upon one another, I use, will use, to build upon my FAITH.
I'm open to GOOD, from you, from above or beside, from within, from w/o our sight; what just happened here for me is a miracle in a really bad day I've had. I will rest calming this eve. I believe my Dad heard you all and thanks you as I.
The day was like reliving the day last year ... like losing him all over again; yep, thinks that what I was feeling; pretty sure, even, w/ mother here.
Do I think it will get better? Some concerned person said, you'll never get over the loss, but will get used to the loss. Maybe that works as our lives change and we change, maybe reaching out to others, to one, or into ourselves. W/ that, then yes, I'm hopeful it will lessen with time. That gives me HOPE for a better onset next year.
I feel is the unobjectivity to have FAITH in what we cannot prove or disprove, a very freeing feeling. I want to let go, stop the rationalizing and dissecting. What would it change anyway .. could be a bad change. I need to really tone down 'searching'; but sharing the wonder is o.k. I think; maybe that's enough in the long run.
Maybe some folks 'see' more ... I simply see you guys, and together you were like my father; when I reached for him not to go; you came. Together we thank you.
Faith growing ... I'll hang on ... I will carry on w/ my load somewhat lighter this evening ... having felt the inspiration and the shared feelings in your post. Ty for lending your faith to me, your insights, your wonders, and may they return to you in blessings to you, your loved ones here and 'there.' cf
poster:corafree
thread:448222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/454169.html