Posted by corafree on January 26, 2005, at 22:28:44
In reply to Re: Six days till lst yr anniversary of Dad's passing » corafree, posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 16:22:29
I was very unhappy w/ my fam' that all lived near him. Even mother, they foreshadowed his declining health w/ talk of a new business they are now all involved in full force. It's very difficult to love them as I did before this happened. Dad had told me things he had wanted; they ignored me. Dad was worthy of at least passing in a beautiful place (home would have been wonderful), but he was stuck in half a regular hospital room, cold, cement, all around, in the cold winter midwest. I and they went around over a lot of issues. Now I am trying to let go of my dissatisfaction w/ their actions, as I need them for support. No one else is alone or has any emotional/mental probs'. Dad validated me; no one else. My middle child, daughter, has talken his place and comforts me when need support. He agreed as I told him, 'if I'm not there, pls imagine me there beside you, holding your hand.' I went to hospital where I found him in this ugly room - I think my hair fell all around us as I whispered I'm so sorry Dad, and he said I love you so very much, and then I said it. Then, I left. But, I knew he would remember what I said. He grounded me, always. I will be eternally greatful for his time in my life. He was remarkable, giving, sense of humor,...never scared by my illness, as the rest did not face it. I emailed earlier to all my fam' of origin re: my uprooting emotional feelings now; got one response ... have four siblings and four steps. Mother sent me an email and said not to focus upon past things; would rob me of today. I don't focus - he just comes into my mind every day. There is something strange about time ... the amount of time you can go keeping something down, before it becomes to strong and you can not hold it down then. It's been difficult for me, well because he always validated me...no matter what. I think he and my children were the most precious gifts I've ever rec'd in this life of mine. I STILL LOVE HIM LIKE NO ONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for reading this, letting me bring it out, like journaling and knowing your journal is supporting you. His name was George .. GG, cf
poster:corafree
thread:448222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20041230/msgs/448423.html