Posted by zenhussy on July 5, 2003, at 22:54:41
In reply to surrender or fight?, posted by ruby on July 5, 2003, at 22:06:41
>>sigh. i just wish it weren't so hard for so many of us....for ANY of us for that matter. i wish thick clouds would come over to shower us with healing rainfall; i wish our beds would cradle us in tenderness; i wish all of our dreams would touch the depth of our fears and bring us into courageous territory. i wish, i wish, i wish...
Me too Ruby, me too. Wish I may wish I might wish I find the courage to last through the night.
You are not alone.
As one who is not a regular church going type of person I tend to see the goodness in congregation. I hope that you are able to get up and attend if it is something that you leave feeling better than when you first arrived.
Any guesses as to the night fear? Fighting the meds? I know the reasons behind why I tend to fight the night when I know sleep is what I need most. My attacks took place late at night early in the morning and as I get closer to uncovering some of the madness that occured I tend to fight sleep as I am frightened by the very idea of being 'under' during those frightful hours that took place so very many years ago.
Seems so rational and logical that I 'should' just be able to tell my mind to get over it and just get the hell to bed....however my mind is NOT rational and I have to take that into account.
Fight or flight?
Take each night as it comes and go with what feels right. I'm getting better at calming myself before bed when the terror strikes and the panic sets in. I'm not healed in any sense of the word but am much better than I was just a year ago and ten times better than I was two years ago. Therapy has helped and finding a non benzo phobic pdoc has made a world of difference when I feel the need to conk out with the meds and sleep regardless of what the mind has in store for me. That god for better living through pharmaceuticals---joking but a grain of truth in there.
Be very gentle with yourself and keep in touch with therapist and pdoc regarding your night schedule. Consider keeping a mood chart...I would be happy to provide a link once I'm home next week and back on my working pc.
You might be surprised at the sleep/non sleep cycle you go through.
Wishing you peaceful rest whenever it comes to you.
Best wishes.
zenhussy
poster:zenhussy
thread:239596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239602.html