Posted by ruby on July 6, 2003, at 18:11:11
In reply to Re: surrender or fight? » ruby, posted by Penny on July 6, 2003, at 8:11:21
hey there folks--letting you know i actually got to church this am, after quite a struggle which included looking for clean clothes. uggh.
as soon as i walked into the sanctuary and sat down next to a friend, i started crying--and didn't stop for 3 hours. and believe it or not, the sermon at one point was about how important it is for us in our community to show our real feelings, to cry if we need to, etc. i looked to see if he was talking to me but he was looking elsewhere, tho i know he knew i was in a tough place.
not sure what triggered the crying jag--maybe just the presence of others. i don't know. i have so few friends to spend time with these days that sometimes it feels like i fall apart with whoever happens to enter my world...just cause i have stuff that needs to come out in the presence of others.
but boy does that STINK! i end up feeling like such a basketcase...it is very, very humbling to say the least. now i'm feeling kind of sad b/c tomorrow is my usual therapy appt. and my t is away...tho i will see him on tuesday. he's taking lots of long weekends instead of one long vacation--and it totally affects our schedule and ends up ripping me apart. i hate depending on him so much, especially since it has taken me 4 years to allow myself to depend on him in any manner.
boy i am really babbling here, aren't i? sorry folks, just feeling blue and lonely.
ruby
ps: penny, last fall i lost 35 pds as i sought to fight my depression with diet and exercise (it didn't work). i've gained back at least 15 of them since starting on the meds. part of my problem is the weight, for me, is protection. having been sexually abused, i have an old investment in not wanting to look attractive, even though i think i want to be married. yuck.
poster:ruby
thread:239596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239716.html