Posted by Penny on July 6, 2003, at 8:11:21
In reply to surrender or fight?, posted by ruby on July 5, 2003, at 22:06:41
Ruby,
Hoping you were able to get rest last night, and hoping you were/are able to make it to church this morning if that will make you feel even somewhat better.
I, personally, can't go to church anymore. Too much conflict inside over what I think is true and what might be true. I had an intense religious experience a couple of years ago and haven't been able to reconcile my beliefs since. It's very painful for me, and, of course, my grandmother thinks everything for me would be all better if I would go.
Wishing it weren't so hard for all of us too. Some of the posts from folks in a much worse place than I reminds me of the pain I have felt at other times in my life. I know I'm fortunate to not be at my lowest point. I can, indeed, feel a little relief, as I am able to at least face some of my trials right now without ending up in tears, though that changes from hour to hour.
Didn't get to bed myself until 2 a.m., then wasn't asleep until sometime after 3. Woke up several times throughout the night and then up for good this morning at 7, where I tossed and turned and tried to go back to sleep until about 8, when I gave up and got dressed and took my dogs out. They were happy about that at least, though they never complain when I sleep in. They just sleep right there with me.
Oh to sleep in...
As to your question: surrender or fight? The hope, of course, would be for us to all fight to get better, fight to overcome this illness, surrender to the positive effects of the meds - but it depends on the day and the hour. I wonder sometimes how much of this is mind over matter, in that I wonder if I derive some kind of sick pleasure in making myself feel worse and worse. That's sort of the feeling I get when I overeat - I do it to make myself feel better, but doing it makes myself feel worse. Its a form of punishment in a way - a way of keeping myself down. That, of course, combined with the belief that I will never be happy until I am thin, but I will never be thin, so I will never be happy. Oprah points out that weight problems are caused by something deeper - yeah, as though none of us with weight problems is aware that there are deeper issues - does this mean we have to overcome those issues, and our weight problem, in order to be happy?
Right now I'm ready to surrender to the temptation for a big bowl of ice cream - yes, at 9 a.m.
Lost 35 lbs. when I was feeling well - since January - and slowly, or perhaps not so slowly, putting it back on with this trip to the Pit.
Hoping you are able to have some peace today.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:239596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239646.html