Posted by ruby on July 5, 2003, at 22:06:41
hi folks--it is that time of night when i ought to be trying to get myself to bed but instead i'm feeling unsettled and sad and stubborn. i don't want to go to bed, she says!!!
having a hard time knowing when to fight and when to surrender. anyone know what i mean? is it better to fight my urge to stay up all night and go to bed or to surrender to the urge and stay up as long as i want? this seems to be one of the major themes in my life right now.... even with meds: should i surrender to them (as i guess i've done) or fight against them (probably not so wise). do i fight the urge to hurt myself or hurt myself to let some of the pain out?
tomorrow morning i know i'll have my usual battle over going to church, which is a very caring community for me and almost always i leave feeling better....but i hate going out to get there, i just absolutely hate it. would rather stay in the nest here at home...feeling progressively worse all day long.
i have so much respect for all of you out there who are also struggling and who have shared those struggles here...reading them makes me feel less alone and somehow less weird about all of this.
sigh. i just wish it weren't so hard for so many of us....for ANY of us for that matter. i wish thick clouds would come over to shower us with healing rainfall; i wish our beds would cradle us in tenderness; i wish all of our dreams would touch the depth of our fears and bring us into courageous territory. i wish, i wish, i wish...
poster:ruby
thread:239596
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239596.html