Posted by lil' jimi on June 6, 2003, at 20:39:08
In reply to Re: jimi's 6/3/02: leeran's menoBabble idea, posted by leeran on June 6, 2003, at 16:33:13
lee star,
you wrote me:
>> Jimi -
>>
>> Your writing always seems to flow as if you're on a roll. Don't change a thing!
>>aaaahhhhh, you nice lady! ... ... very sweet sweet! ... .... you be my friend? ...
>> Yes, I did see that message from Dr. Bob after Dinah pointed it out here on this board.
....... oooooooo, .... you smart lady, too! ... ... i say 'social', when i mean 'admin', when we are already at 'social', so of course, you already been 'social' but ... ... ...
but you find correct meanings anyway! ... .... .... you are smart lady! .... you be my friend, smart one, very nice one, please?>> I hadn't visited for awhile because of, well, you know - the fall-out from the nuclear (family) bomb my son and ex dropped on May 21 (that date may become a significant one for me to remember in years to come, and not in a good way).
>>your eloquence in your devastation has been a thing of beauty to behold .... ..... and terrible and so tragic .... ..... for such a sweet sweet mom ..... ... a good mom.
i tremble at the terror of such loving power come to bear on such horrible pain .....
>> I'm feeling as though I might have rounded yet another corner in the last few days. Acceptance has not come easy these last two weeks.
.... ... and awe that you have just come back from such hopeless depths to return here intact.... ... or close to it ....
....... she speaks the word ... .... 'acceptance' .... yea, verily, she lives yet !>> I definitely feel stuck in a double bind and the only thing that will change anything is time. It will take time for him to assimilate whether or not living there full-time is right for him, time for me to get used to such a foreign idea, but most of all - time to adjust to the reality that he is no longer part of my every day "immediate" existence. All the patterns of life, the time he walks in from school - the shower turning on at 7:10 every morning . . . him sitting on the stool next to my desk and telling me about his day. All that stuff.
>>
>> Now I feel like that Staples commercial around Christmas time with the robot "Weeping. Weeping."
>>
>> I'm just kidding - I'm not weeping.
>
>> As I recall, you have a four year old child - right?
>>
>> All I can say is this - enjoy every single moment because the time goes by so d*mned fast. About the time they become one of (if not) the most interesting people you've ever met - it's time for them to start to drift into their own future. Actually, N's maturity has probably brought about this a few years earlier than typical college age. His dad and I both agree that he is really mature, yet he is so dependent on me as the "safety net." Hopefully, this will be a transition time wherein he can become more self-sufficient. That's one of the silver lining versions I placate myself with in order not to go completely insane.
>>our 4 year old son's name is robert santiago and, of course, it is through him that i feel the closest to your pain .... ..... you have been through everything we've gone through with santiago and more ... .... ... and we love him so ... we couldn't bear to have him .... leave
....even though ... ... ...someday ... ... someday he willand that's the direction i have to go to visit your hurt ... .... ....
there i see delayed (menopause driven) post-partum pre-empty nesting separaion-anxiety depression screaming RAGE !!!!!!
then here you just sanely tell me that he's .... growing up ..... it'll make him stronger ..... probably be ... ... ... good for him ... ... ... in the long run.
or. at least, you are trying to ... ... ... but the progress in this direction ... .... inspires me .... you are showing me how you have made progress ... .... ... showing me the way ? ... eh?
>> Thanks again for the head's up (or is it heads, heads' up?) on the post from Dr. Bob.hmmm ... ... "Heads Up!!" ... ... i don't have any idea!
>>
>> Have a good weekend,
>>
>> Yours in Lexapro :-)
>>
>> Lee
>>
>>you too lee, you have a good weekend too!
and thanks for being a good friend in lexapro too!let me ask you about your parents ...
..... are you close ? ... ... is N ?my sharpest grief is that i can't show santiago off to my folks anymore ... ... getting his pictures to them used to be a major focus for me ....
lee i know it's agony, but i can tell you've worked really hard and i can tell you've made a lot progress .... .... .... that you are able to imagine a time when you will be able to handle this impresses the sh*t out of me! (sorry, i don't use that kind of language, but it was the only thing that was adequate) ...
... ... even as imaginings hurt you so much ... and will, but maybe a little bit less ... after a while.
it is impressive, (and i agree with you) that we can hurt so much and yet survive it ... ... and although we can feel the pain, we endure it ... ... ... i feel this is due to the lex ... ... because in my case, i felt my underlying emotional pain less before i took lexapro ...
peace
kind ones
~ jim
poster:lil' jimi
thread:231433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/232022.html