Posted by paisleygirl on January 19, 2012, at 14:28:03
In reply to Re: update, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2012, at 10:12:59
i guess i didn't realize that dbt therapist doesn't want me back, but you're right- he didn't say oh, you can make an appt with me... he was more like- okay go away.
i came to work like an hour ago- of course everyone was pissed that i'm slacking and skipping work.
i have a major headache. i feel miserable.
i really wouldn't mind going to the er after all actually now, if i knew i would get to go home. i dont want to be admitted to a hospital. i don't want to leave my dog. and i dont want to get in more trouble with work.
i feel like i need to be able to speak with someone daily right now. for at least support... and realistically, that's not going to happen. so i'm kinda screwed.
my head hurts.
i want to shout to the world that I AM HURTING AND I'M IN PAIN.
i'm tired of trying to be strong, or that i can handle things, i cannot.
noone has ever taken care of me. i can't do things by myself. i feel like throwing my hands up in the ear and screaming I GIVE UP.
i am still pissed by my psdoc/therapist's words: "i know you're not okay, but what i was doing for you wasn't helping"
if i'm not okay, which you realize, and i realize, why the hell are you leaving me. why am i left all by myself.
i kinda feel dared to just kill myself. i want to show the world that everyone is awful. also, i am very sad and i dont want to live like this. there are so so so so many reasons why i should die. i feel like i haven't accomplished enough, that i'm not smart enough, that i'm not pretty, that i'm too fat, that i'm mean, that i'm gross, that i'm evil. plus, i'm poor, in major debt, all alone. just too many responsibilities on my shoulders. can someone please take these responsibilities away. please.
poster:paisleygirl
thread:1007661
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1007775.html