Posted by jubilee on December 11, 2004, at 18:58:04
In reply to Re: I'm 52 and lost my 27 year old son, posted by RoseyReel on October 15, 2004, at 9:35:40
Dear RosieReel, You letter so encouraged me as I have finally found old writings that gave me the address on this old page. ( I keep my writings and responses in a binder. ) I so hope all get this as you have all been so kind. My yongest is back on drugs , but trying not to drink, and is not handling any of his losses well. ( Children -x girlfriend, brother)
Yes , my other 2 sons absolutely love with all their hearts which makes me beyond blessed. My middle can't remember the constant 2 week visits in my MPD illness, but loves me so , and defends me to the death. They need to keep crossing the road that leaves all doubt behind as myself finally in Aug in my final healing (MPD), knowing that I did my best despite it all. I am there for them now and isnt it funny how they want to figure it all out alone now.? Well. my middle wasnt handling it well few months back and was homeless and I told him if he didnt go to NA down the street that I could not help him if he would not help himself. He went and He met the love of his life and got clean and thanked me for being hard on him. Sometimes we must be hard and deep down they know we care, if we really do. I wrote my youngest a straight forward letter today , amongst my many loving letters , to let him know I believe in the best in him to come out soon. We must face our losses sober or they never go away. I have been having a very hard two days after 10 months now. I am just about off the most dangerous drug I've ever been on called effexor. (anti-dep.) Lost alot of vision and its withdrawals are worse that herion they say and you get sick enough to die. God was gracious and gave me a large amount to start with to go off slowly, now 5 months and almost off. ! It makes you very angry and or emotional and I think it kicked my rear as I was crying and accepting much until yesterday.
Now I see why they say holidays are so hard for some , but I am believing that this will turn out good anyway as we find greater closeness because of Jake. I wrote Jake a letter yesterday again and I will write another tonight. I made a memorial binder with alot of photos and letters I started writing from the start. Also dry flowers from boquets. Also memorial pictures and his brothers and good ol mom and dad.
I think too ,it might be about Xmas. I am sharing the ashes I have with his brothers though I am hanging on to one portion each for them as they ae still young and not real responsible. I hope it will be special to them as myself.Elisha bones , in the old testament , touched others bones and they rose from the dead. Joseph in Egypt said to take my bones into the promised land. So his bones are special to me.
Hearing your words consering my inspiration and strength which I owe all to my Lord Jesus and what I know of him and our hope to see our loved ones again , greatly encouraged me, and I consider a gift.
Thank you for listening and caring. God Bless, Jubilee.
poster:jubilee
thread:398975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/427890.html