Posted by Jubilee on October 6, 2004, at 3:42:31
In reply to Re: lost my 27 year old Son-to Shar and Tabatha, posted by Jubilee on October 6, 2004, at 3:09:52
Hi;I am back.
First I want to thank both of you as a have only had a couple people I have mentioned it too, and I really would go to a group and talk more if I was not physically disabled.
Tabatha, when you said that what I have done with my other sons really honors Jacob's memory that ment alot. I have always been open and honest with my sons , but lately I have got to approach them with a much sounder mind and had to say some things conserning tough love. They are Christians , but not in addiction or co-dependency recovery recovery, so not yet really facing the issues , like me being too emotionally ill to be there for them. I see my grandchildren suffering and know I must be honest for their sake. Love is about sacrifice and I did teach them both about that , as I had to place them in foster care for some years. I will just conclude this saying that throu my last healings I was finally able to accept that I really was too ill and I really did do the best for them and it was very painful. Finally ,no more guilt and deep remorce.
Anyway , I feel I am thru alot of the denial over Jake and the anger for him not being more careful and also some past resentments came up for me after he died due to living with him in his duel addictions as a teen. He was very hurt and angry with me and he also interfered with my raising of my younger sons when I got them out of gaurdianship at 13 and 14.
Jacob did love me in spite of himself! He was brave and courageous ,but in alot of emotional pain. The county did take him from me when he got in trouble, because of my MPD.
I miss his phone calls and visits so much and was very sad that he wasn't here lately to see my mind so restored. He went home , before I got back home ,so to speak. I wrote him a letter today ,to put in the album I made him. So many memories. I am so blessed ,even in my loss. Going to go cry some more. Thanks for listening. Jubilee
poster:Jubilee
thread:398975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/399486.html