Posted by just plain jane on November 21, 2004, at 18:57:37
In reply to That's perfectly ok, you know. » saw, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2004, at 20:30:23
Dinah,
Your concept of your relationship with your father, his imminent death, and your decisions as to what you will and will not do are quite inspiring to me.
My father is 80. Last year at Christmas he, his wife, my sisters and I were all given a shock, and an incredible gift.
He went in the hospital with mild chest discomfort two days before Christmas. Tests showed he needed a double bypass and that this was his second heart attack - none of us, he included, knew he'd had a first. I'm sure his tenacity (read stubbornness) had a lot to do with this.
The day before Christmas he had his final tests. He would now be having a triple.
When he was brought back from recovery, we learned it was quadruple.
This, in a man who was lively and active and never had a clue.
So, our greatest gift was more time with Dad on this earth.
One day he will go, though, and I feel much like you. I am not sure I'll want to go to his funeral, but, unless I am with him when he dies, I expect I will. Not for the public, but for my wonderful stepmom who has been the best thing in his life, and for the feeling I have experienced upon seeing the earthly husk and knowing that that is not my loved one. For me, that is the most incredible experience.
I never went to funerals until I was 42. With a SO, as his support. Then my cousin died, and I found myself standing next to her brother, a cousin who was much like a little brother to me, he was devastatedly lost in his sorrow and tears. I looked at him and said, "That is not your sister!" That's when the fear left me. The fear of death. Standing there looking at this painted thing. It had nothing to do with my dear hellraising cousin who had occupied that body.
My father's funeral will not be a "big to do". If it were, I, like you, would pass.
Thanks for sharing.
poster:just plain jane
thread:416922
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/418745.html