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Re: 12 step programs » Cass

Posted by JLx on October 11, 2004, at 21:38:10

In reply to Re: 12 step programs » JLx, posted by Cass on October 11, 2004, at 11:51:21

> I do see your pont now, JLx. Although at this point, I don't have any idea how not to give a victimizer power over me except to exclude the person from my life. That's where I'm at right now.

It's very hard to change. That's why meetings can be so helpful. A very common topic at Al-Anon was always "detachment" and letting go.

> You write, "What Al-Anon will gently teach is, 'You're here because you have a problem with so and so. You cannot make another person change. As long as your happiness depends on that other person changing, you have a problem. It's YOUR problem. The only person you can change is yourself. That's your way out of this chaos and unhappiness.'"
> It seems like Al Anon is teaching something almost mystical, to be detached like a buddha. THAT is something I truly do not know how to do.

Hmm...well, don't forget, that's my interpretation. Someone else might describe it differently. But yes, I was thinking the same thing when I wrote it, "sounds like Buddhism". It's also cognitive therapy too -- change the way you feel by changing how you think. I remember my sponsor saying to me once, "feelings are not facts". I'm reading "Feeling Good" right now, and there was that same quote in a discussion of the thinking distortion of "emotional reasoning".

I went to Al-Anon initially because of the advice in "Women Who Love Too Much" -- "if you have ever been involved with an alcoholic, go to Al-Anon". I'd never had the kind of tumultous, abusive relationship where I was just nuts over the drinking thing so I never would have thought of going otherwise, despite the fact that there's also a lot of alcoholics in my family, including my brother who I was close to at the time. The ideas are just very useful in many areas, such as how to deal with a difficult co-worker. A pity I forgot most of it this winter when someone was "driving me crazy"! ;)





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