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Re: 12 step programs » JLx

Posted by Cass on October 10, 2004, at 17:21:51

In reply to Re: 12 step programs » Cass, posted by JLx on October 10, 2004, at 16:08:12

Hi JL,

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

Yes, all of the meetings I went to with my husband were open meetings. The members were very welcoming to me even though I was not in the program.

I clicked on the link for "Your Sacred Self", but it took me to a book called "Sacred Contracts". Funny, huh?

To me, it seems that some people associated with alcoholics truly are victims. If someone beats up their spouse in a drunken rage, or verbally abuses their children or does other destructive things, I would call those people victims. Same goes for those who are victimized by dysfunctional people. It seems like there is this unwritten rule that seeing oneself as a victim is a sin, but the way I see it, some people have truly been victimized, and there is no shame in making that observation. If a person sees themself as a perpetual victim, in all circumstances, that's different. That's unhealthy. But what's wrong with calling a spade a spade if someone has been victimized? Why can't they admit it? What's wrong with saying it?

Like I said, fortunately I've never been victimized by an alcoholic, but I was certainly victimized by some "dysfunctional" parents when I was young, and I was somewhat psychologically victimized in some adult relationships I had, although I do take some responsibility for staying in an unhealthy relationship too long. I feel no shame in that I have been victimized. It's the simple truth. Do you think these 12 step meetings would want me to blame myself or say that I somehow brought it on myself? I'll gladly take responsibility for my own behavior, but why should I take responsibility for someone else's?




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