Posted by Sad Sara on November 5, 2004, at 16:03:15
In reply to Re: Lou's reply to NikkiT2 » NikkiT2, posted by Lou Pilder on November 5, 2004, at 14:52:40
"You wrote that you posted in anger. I do not consider that posts could be determined as acceptable , if they are not acceptable, because someone posted it in anger. My request for a determination was made as to what could be seen, not what the feelings of the poster was behind the writing of the post."
That is true, but isn't it also important to distinguish, at least to a certain degree, the difference between hurting someone out of intention of being mean and the hurting of someone as a result of anger (also because that anger was a result from feeling that you put her down when refering to her post as possibly not acceptable)?
Yes, it is important not to hurt each other, but it should also be possible to do mistakes without it getting a big thing out of it. It looks to me that this whole discussion about whos right and whos wrong in this case is brought fairly out of proportions considering the subject, but thats my personal opinion. People are different, we have different personalities and we behave differently accordinlgy. Some people get eaily hurt, some people hurt easily others, some people work very hard not to hurt others.
But is it really possible to NEVER hurt anyone with what you write/say? Is it possible, considering that human beings are not perfect creatures, and that we all are so different? I think it is dangerous if we allow ourself to get hurt, without even considering the intention behind what was said, simply because I do think intention makes a difference, and that situational factors matter.
Situational factors is actually proved to be more valid than personalities, meaning that in certain situations some people might hurt someone in a burst of anger, or a moment of thoughtlessness, which they normally wouldn't do. I think it is important for social beings to be able to distinguish between intentions, and try to adjust their own feelings accordingly, simply because thats a lot easier than teaching everyone to behave in such a way that they will never step on someones feelings. If you manage to sort out your own feelings based on the intention of the poster, you would be a lot less vulnerable to the "diversities" in human that is not are not always a good thing in all situations, but that are making the world more varied and interesting (well, at least I think that it/s good that we are all so different, but some would maybe feel it safer with less varety in the world).
I don't know if anything I have said is in any way refering to how this is for you, I'm just trying to figure out this from a general idea.
I think that if you exclude intentions and situational factors when following rules, you leave little left for common sense and individuality, and the danger is that you might get a place where people don't dare opening up and tell about their emotions and experiences... people with mental problems are not always reasonable and logical simply because they are in a very tough situation and may not think straight. Feelings might take over the control, or misunderstandings might happen more often.... but I think the intention behind is to protect yourself, and not to be mean.... just as you want to protect yourself against the terrible thoughts that comes for you concerning holocaust.
By making intentions making a difference for whether you feel hurt or not, you are getting more control over protecting yourself. Variations in expressing yourself, individuality and a certain "hight under the roof" of what can be accepted and not will then exist... so that people are allowed to make small mistakes WITHOUT necessarily hurting someone else might be important on a board where people have mental problems and might be in need of posting their emotions freely. Maybe ESPESCIALLY on a board that is such a good and supportive place for people with mental problems. Yes, it is possible to post freely without hurting someone else, but what I try to say i sthat accidents can happen, and maybe intentions then should be considered? Otherwise it seems to become a witch hunt for details, in one way or the other...
I am a bit afraid that if we start picking on every little detail that might possibly be a violation againts rules, that might become more important than what people are actually writing in their posts (about their mental problems, for example). And what would then be the point of a board like this? Training in social behavious? Yes, many people need training in social behaviour, but maybe this just isn't the best place (in general, I do NOT have anyone special in mind, please notice that)?
Just some of my thoughts.
poster:Sad Sara
thread:412031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20041027/msgs/412295.html