![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 58. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
I realized that I will never be able to open up in therapy. That even writing the painful stuff down and letting her read it wouldn't get me to talk about it. I told her that I just can't do therapy and that I quit.
I thought I'd be okay with my decision, but I've been crying for four hours straight. I left the only person who has ever told me that they cared about me. The only person who can see beyond all the negativity and sarcasim and see someone who is loveable.
She asked if she had said something last week to cause this. I told her that it was a combination of pdoc asking me about progress in therapy, feeling more suicidal and that after two years I just don't see that therapy will ever work for me.
We talked about progress (there is some: I went back to school and no longer call myself stupid.) What more we need to work on and then she said that she doesn't recommend that I quit.
She was so sweet about me leaving. I feel so bad. She told me to take her out of the picture, don't try to imagine what she's feeling about me leaving. But that's so hard. She looked sad. I didn't think she'd look sad, I thought she'd be happy to be rid of a pain like me. She wasn't.
I've been crying since I left her office and I just can't stop.
What I'm crying about is the loss of someone who honestly cared about me and wanted to help me. I just couldn't let her help me. I don't think I can let anyone help me.
She said that she'll *be there* and that I might try to think of this as a temporary break. I can come back anytime and I shouldn't think that calling her makes me weak or a failure. She said she'll miss me and that she felt close to me and that she cares about me. I should *hold* that if I can.
What I'm holding is that I am so emotionally inferior that I couldn't let someone who cared about me get closer to me. I had to run away.
I thought quiting was the answer. Now, a few hours later, I'm not so sure. I'm trying to give it time, the tears will stop flowing, but I've made so many wrong decisions in my life. Is this just another one?
Poet
Posted by Annierose on October 7, 2004, at 16:49:28
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
Poet - my heart feels for you. I had quit therapy before and regretted that decision. I did go back and for me, it was the right choice.
Like she said, it's okay to change your mind if you feel you would like to go back. During the period of my therapy that I quit (often) she always recommended one appoitment afterwards just to further discuss my decision. It kind of gave me a chance to save face. We are on a smooth course right now (no quitting :) ). I remember how much it hurts. Thinking of you. -Annie
Posted by lookdownfish on October 7, 2004, at 17:41:17
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
Poet, so sorry you're feeling so sad. Is this something you have been thinking about for a while or quite sudden? Wouldn't you like to think about it while still in therapy for a few weeks, then you can make a considered decision which is not just based on your current mood. I sincerely hope its the right decision for you, but I suspect you need more time to think it over. One of the things that has triggered this is your pdoc asking you about progress in therapy...but progress in therapy is a subtle thing and can be very hard to put into words, so there may have been more progress than you think. In any case, I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by shrinking violet on October 7, 2004, at 20:16:23
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet, posted by lookdownfish on October 7, 2004, at 17:41:17
{{{{{poet}}}}}
Oh.My.God.
I could have written your ENTIRE post, word-for-word.
I've quit therapy periodically over the past year with my T; each time, I started to panic a day or so later, cried, afraid that I screwed up the one thing that might have been good for me (even if indirectly). Therapy is SO hard for me....I have major trouble verbalizing. Even when I write stuf down (and I can write pages and pages of stuff) it's still hard for me to talk about it afterwards. My poor T has read so much stuff from me. My T is the only person who has genuinely cared and tries to make sure I know it and feel it. She's the first person I truly care about too, and it's a weird and scary thing sometimes. Yet, as great/special/close as our relationship is, it is STILL a therapeutic one, and again, I'm not so great at the therapy part.
Mostly when I quit therapy, a big part of it is feeling that my T would want me to leave, or that it would be better for her if I did so. Did that play a part in your decision to quit at all? Did you quit for you, or for your T?
As hard as this is for you, part of you needs your T, needs the relationship, needs *something* from the therapy, or else you wouldn't be so upset. I wish I could articulate it better, because I truly know what a conflict it is.
If you dont feel better in a day or so, please go see your T, or at least call her. It's ok to say you made a mistake, and to go back and try again.
Email me if you need/want to talk, ok? :)
Take care hon. I hope you find peace soon.
-SV
Posted by shortelise on October 7, 2004, at 21:03:10
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
(((Poet)))
Opening up is a thing of degrees.
Is it fair to see yourself as faling because you can't "open up"? Maybe for you that's not the point. Maybe you can get where you need to go in a more circumspect way.
If what you need is to go to see her, to talk with a person who actually cares about you, why not do it? Could you change the rules a little, talk with her about how you could go for therapy without feeling you have to open up or else you're some sort of therapy flub-up?
Therapy for you is what you need, not what anyone else needs, isn't it? There's a lot I never "opened up" about with my T, a lot I never told him, and I never will, but I am so much better for the six years I have spent seeing him. I learned so much.
As for being emotionally inferior - emotionally inferior to whom? To compare Poet to anyone else is apples and oranges.
Could it be that you were approaching something in therapy that scared you, so you ran? ((Poet))
Oh, Poet, there're all sorts of things your post makes me think - that you're being extreme; that it would take courage, not cowardice to go back to your T; that feeling suicidal is part of your reaction to things, and is an old, bad habit; that this post is just one big Beat Up on Poet thing.
Please be nice to Poet. You seem loveable to me, here, now.
ShortE
Posted by Daisym on October 7, 2004, at 21:50:26
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
Poet,
I know how hard you have been struggling. So maybe a break is OK for now. BUT, I'm worried about how much you struggle with the suicidal thoughts and I wonder if not having her support won't make those worse? You need someone to keep an eye on you, don't you think?
Maybe it is the moon and the stars right now. It seems that so many of us are starting, stopping, getting stuck, having all these dark thoughts. I'm glad we have each other.
Hang in there. There is no shame in calling her and saying, "I'll be back in two weeks. Hold my spot." Think about it. AND, if this really was your inner child having a tantrum, the adult needs to override and do what is best.
Hugs to you.
Daisy
Posted by cricket on October 8, 2004, at 8:44:16
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
Hi Poet,
I think that I struggle with many of those same feelings.
I always think that it would be a great relief for my therapist to be done with me. Lots of times it feels like the only gift I can give him - just getting rid of me.
And I have run away and quit too and it was very hard to say "Please can I come back?" and I think even though I am awful and horrible and disgusting and I don't know how you can bear to be in the same room with me. But I do feel so relieved when I come back and he's there for me again.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I think you should ask to go back. Therapy is painful especially when we feel like a failure at it on top of having so many painful feelings but to have someone who cares about us even and especially when we don't feel worthy of anyone's care is worth everything in the world.
Can you call her? Can you say I am feeling very sad? Can I please come back and try again?
Posted by antigua on October 8, 2004, at 11:34:18
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
Hi Poet,
I quit therapy last week and went back this week. What a rollercoaster. Your T sounds like mine; she said she'd wait to hear from me and wouldn't pressure me to do anything I didn't want to do--or talk about.
I quit because I was afraid of where I was headed and the amount of dependence I felt on my T. I was scared, but she's taught me it's o.k. to be scared.
Take it easy and don't worry about calling her if you need her. Mine told me it was courageous to come back and that she enjoyed working w/me very much, but she was afraid to tell me that in case it sent me off into my "you just say that because you have to" mood. I believe her now.
Good luck and post if you need to. You are free to make whatever decision is best for you.
antigua
Posted by College-Girl on October 8, 2004, at 11:46:20
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by cricket on October 8, 2004, at 8:44:16
Hey Poet,
Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents about terminating therapy. Relationships with therapists are unique in that they are the only relationship in your life,where the goal of the relationship is to terminate the relationship. In other words, the two of you want to work together, share extremely private, personal, and sensitive information, and the goal is not to become closer to one another, but for the client to move away from the therapist, to become more self-reliant. This is kinda against our own human nature. So take heart, termination of therapy is hard, wierd, distressing, etc. and your not alone.
Posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2004, at 12:47:47
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
(((((Poet)))))
> I realized that I will never be able to open up in therapy. That even writing the painful stuff down and letting her read it wouldn't get me to talk about it. I told her that I just can't do therapy and that I quit.
*** "Never" is a pretty strong word. Are you more open than you were when you started with her? These things really do take (lots and lots and lots and lots of) time. It seems to me that if you went back to school and stopped calling yourself "stupid" that you really have made significant progress in therapy so far.
>
> I thought I'd be okay with my decision, but I've been crying for four hours straight. I left the only person who has ever told me that they cared about me. The only person who can see beyond all the negativity and sarcasim and see someone who is loveable.
>
> She asked if she had said something last week to cause this. I told her that it was a combination of pdoc asking me about progress in therapy, feeling more suicidal and that after two years I just don't see that therapy will ever work for me.*** As I've said before, I really doubt that your pdoc was being critical of you or her or the therapy you have done together. If you need something more right now (in this suicidal stage), that doesn't mean that what you've been doing is wrong or not helpful. It may mean that at this particular moment your brain chemistry and environment have conspired to make your life more difficult. There is no shame in getting additional help when you are in a difficult period. Where would you be if you *hadn't* been in therapy? (Probably still out of school...?)
>
> We talked about progress (there is some: I went back to school and no longer call myself stupid.) What more we need to work on and then she said that she doesn't recommend that I quit.
>
*** If she thought you could never "do" therapy, she would not recommend that you stay.> She was so sweet about me leaving. I feel so bad. She told me to take her out of the picture, don't try to imagine what she's feeling about me leaving. But that's so hard. She looked sad. I didn't think she'd look sad, I thought she'd be happy to be rid of a pain like me. She wasn't.
>
*** "I thought she'd be happy to be rid of a pain like me. She wasn't."
***"I thought she'd be happy to be rid of a pain like me. She wasn't."
***"I thought she'd be happy to be rid of a pain like me. She wasn't.> I've been crying since I left her office and I just can't stop.
>
> What I'm crying about is the loss of someone who honestly cared about me and wanted to help me. I just couldn't let her help me. I don't think I can let anyone help me.*** First of all, it sounds like she *HAS* helped you.
***Second of all, let's say (for the sake of argument) that she hasn't helped you - because you couldn't let her. The future does not have to be a repeat of the past. Even if you couldn't let her help you in the past, that doesn't mean that you can't let her help you in the future. These kinds of things take forever and are incredibly difficult. But issues like this *DO* change with therapy. It is not hopeless.
>
> She said that she'll *be there* and that I might try to think of this as a temporary break. I can come back anytime and I shouldn't think that calling her makes me weak or a failure. She said she'll miss me and that she felt close to me and that she cares about me. I should *hold* that if I can.
>
> What I'm holding is that I am so emotionally inferior that I couldn't let someone who cared about me get closer to me. I had to run away.*** You are not emotionally inferior. Perhaps, like me, your parents weren't really good about teaching you emotional skills. That doesn't mean that we are inferior - it just means that we need some education and some practice. Like I said above, the game is not over - there is still a lot of "future" left. There *IS* hope in the future.
>
> I thought quiting was the answer. Now, a few hours later, I'm not so sure. I'm trying to give it time, the tears will stop flowing, but I've made so many wrong decisions in my life. Is this just another one?
>
> Poet
>
>
*** I would encourage you to have at least one more session with her. Maybe wait a week or two (how often were you going?). Talk to us a bit.*** I'm worried about how badly you are feeling right now, and that you will lose the little support that you have by leaving therapy.
*** "They" keep telling me that I can't fail therapy. Of course, in my case, they are wrong - I will find a way to fail therapy. But I'm quite certain that in your case, they are right. You aren't failing therapy. You are working hard on a very hard problem. If you choose to leave therapy, then do so for some other reason - not because *you* are failing. Perhaps you need a different kind of therapy (remember that if therapy isn't helping, it is the *therapy's* fault)? I did change kinds of therapy (CBT to Psychodynamic), and it really was helpful to do that.
*** Don't give up on yourself. She isn't giving up on you. Your pdoc isn't giving up on you. I'm not giving up on you.
>
>
Posted by Annierose on October 8, 2004, at 13:36:53
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by College-Girl on October 8, 2004, at 11:46:20
Hi College Girl -
I do think the goal of therapy is to become close to your T, not necessarily an equal relationship, but it is natural for lots of us to feel closer to the T than to most people IRL. And through experiencing that closeness is a safe and nuturing envirnoment, we can then generalize that good closeness to others IRL. It's real in as much as we are both real people. And I know she cares for me, as a teacher cares for her students. In this scenario, the learning is about me.
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 15:36:19
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad » Poet, posted by Annierose on October 7, 2004, at 16:49:28
Hi Annie,
It's comforting to know that you quit therapy (more than once!) and were able to go back when you needed to.
I'm glad you and your therapist are back on a smooth course. I am pretty sure that I will be going back soon, as I didn't think quitting would be this painful. I thought therapy was painful until now.
Thanks.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 15:47:08
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet, posted by lookdownfish on October 7, 2004, at 17:41:17
Hi Lookdownfish,
I thought about quitting therapy for a week before I did it. Pdoc asking about progress definitely pushed me to do it.
I shouldn't have made the decision to quit in my current mood, it just seemed so right until I left her office. Then the dam burst.
I know that I can call her and she'll take me right back, but right now I can't face that either. What a mess and I created it!
Thanks for helping.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 16:00:30
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by shrinking violet on October 7, 2004, at 20:16:23
Hi SV,
We are sisters in quitting therapy then panicking or in my case crying non-stop. I sent you a babblemail, hopefully it got through cyberspace.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 16:38:53
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by shortelise on October 7, 2004, at 21:03:10
Hi ShortE,
> Is it fair to see yourself as faling because you can't "open up"?
Probably not, but it's hard for me to see it any other way.
>
> If what you need is to go to see her, to talk with a person who actually cares about you, why not do it?I just didn't think that I'd ever be able to talk about the deep things that I keep trying to bury.
I never thought that what I did tell her was making progress, but that's the negative in me coming out in full force.> Could it be that you were approaching something in therapy that scared you, so you ran? ((Poet))
Thank you for the hugs. I have a 14 year old inner child who would say that even though she flunked phy-ed she can run like the wind when she needs to.
I do beat myself up. It's very hard to for me to be nice to me. Or to think that I am even remotely loveable. Thanks for seeing something that I don't or that I can't accept.
Part of me says to call my T on Monday, part says let it go a few weeks. I have to just repeat to myself that it's okay to go back and it's okay to not fully open up until I believe it in my head as well as my heart.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 17:00:42
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet, posted by Daisym on October 7, 2004, at 21:50:26
Hi Daisy,
I hope the moon and the stars start shining brighter in that dark sky for all of us.
Right now I can't feel that it isn't shame to call her and ask for my appointment time back. That's the part of me that can't accept help.
I thought that quitting was best, but now I'm not sure. I might need someone to keep an eye on me.
I would hope that if I start completely losing it that I would call her.I'm glad we have each other, too. I tried talking to a friend about quitting therapy and she just didn't get it. All she did was make me cry harder. Everyone here understands my tears.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 17:07:51
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by cricket on October 8, 2004, at 8:44:16
Hi Cricket,
You so understand what I'm going through. I'm sorry that you've had to experience it first hand.
You and others have quit and gone back and felt it was for the better. Opening up is just so hard, and those little baby steps so frustrating.
I am so much sadder than I thought I would be. I thought it would be a clean break, but it sure isn't. If I still feel this down next week, I will try to overcome my self shame and at least talk to her on the phone. She was always very good about phone sessions.
She was always a good therapist...damn, here I go again.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 17:12:59
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by antigua on October 8, 2004, at 11:34:18
Hi Antigua,
This is a rollercoaster and I am motion sick.
I have big issues with dependence, too. My T told me that it was okay to be dependent on her for support and that she would be there. It's me who just can't let her in.
It's comforting to know that you quit and went back a week later. I have a hard time accepting that it's okay, but you did it and it was for the best.
I'll probably be posting a lot until I make a decision. Maybe I should have done that before I decided to quit.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 17:17:19
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by College-Girl on October 8, 2004, at 11:46:20
Hi College-Girl,
You are right that the goal of therapy is for the client to become self-reliant. My problem is that I quit against my therapist's recommendation and now I'm not sure that the decision was such a smart one.
I can go back, though that will be hard, too.Thanks for your support
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 18:07:05
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet, posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2004, at 12:47:47
Hi Fallsfall,
You really have made some thought provoking comments.
I was in therapy once a week for two years. She was very open to phone calls, she encouraged me to call her whenever I needed to. I know that she didn't give up on me. I gave up on me.
Where I feel like a therapy failure is that I can't open up to any childhood trauma other than what little I'll reveal about my completely messed up family. The emotion we shared was anger, so like you, I didn't learn emotional skills. Maybe that doesn't make me emotionally inferior, just emotionally challenged?
You are probably right that pdoc wasn't going to gang up on my therapist because I am feeling more suicidal. I told my therapist that pdoc wanted to call her and I stopped him. She told me that she was concerned that I would use quitting therapy as more reason to *hurt myself.* I can't say what will go through my brain as I think more and more about leaving therapy or leaving this world. I will babble, I promise. I will pdoc or T, I hope.
I don't think you're a therapy failure. You're so insightful. Maybe you're like me, you can see your way to guide someone else, but not yourself?
I will post more on quitting Vs. going back and the negative thoughts that seem to be at full force these days. At least I haven't cried all day, just most of it.
Thank you for not giving up on me.
Poet
Posted by crushedout on October 9, 2004, at 0:33:45
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
Poet,I've never quit but I've contemplated it a lot and can identify with so much of what you're going through. I would be devastated also if I were in your shoes, and I agree with what a lot of people have said -- that you shouldn't feel ashamed if you decide to go back (and that maybe you really should go back). But I also know my pride would make me not want to call.
I really understand the feeling that she would just be relieved to get rid of me. I was having that feeling just this week myself when I was thinking about quitting. It's a terrible feeling. But isn't it a relief in some way to find out you were wrong? She really does care about you and she really doesn't want you to quit. I do believe that (for you).
I really hope you feel better soon. I hope it helps to know we all feel a little bit of your pain (I think we do) and we really care about you also.
crushedout
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 8:15:32
In reply to I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long), posted by Poet on October 7, 2004, at 15:42:17
I quit therapy a *lot* the first five years. Sometimes for pretty good reason. I never did it gracefully, my therapist always accepted it gracefully, and accepted me graciously back. So don't let shame stand in your way.
If I might be so bold, I do see that your therapist has helped you. Perhaps you're not moving at the speed of light in your eyes, but you've also dealt with some pretty heavy duty real life stressors, and your therapist has clearly assisted you with that. I think that real life issues sometimes put aside long term depth work when it's necessary. Also, everyone moves at a different speed. My own therapist describes my progress as "glacial" but he does say that I'm progressing.
Do you think it's worth having an assessment of expectation session?
P.S. Please forgive any grammar or word substitution errors. I tried to proof=read this the best I could, and the most charitable explanation that I could come up with is that I'm drunk. Unfortunately, I'm not drunk. :)
Posted by fallsfall on October 9, 2004, at 14:49:38
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » fallsfall, posted by Poet on October 8, 2004, at 18:07:05
>Where I feel like a therapy failure is that I can't open up to any childhood trauma other than what little I'll reveal about my completely messed up family. The emotion we shared was anger, so like you, I didn't learn emotional skills. Maybe that doesn't make me emotionally inferior, just emotionally challenged?
Perhaps emotionally challenged, although to me the "challenged" part tends to mean that you will never be able to *stop* being challenged. And I don't think that is the situation for you or for me. I tend to think of it more like I'm emotionally illiterate. I have never *learned* the things that I need to learn in order to be able to have my emotions help me in life. It isn't that I'm not *capable* of learning them, it is just that noone ever taught me. The world assumes that we will learn this stuff from our parents, so the world doesn't really teach it. My parents (each for their own reason) couldn't teach it to me. So I never learned it.
I was so excited when I saw Marsha Linehan's "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder". There are *pages* of emotion words - categorized - one set for love, another for hate, another for shame, joy etc. Finally someone understood that I just don't *know* about emotions. I found it helpful to type them up, and then cut them apart - I call it emotional confetti. Spread it out in a pile on the floor and then sort through to see which ones apply to you. I'm still not good at this (and I found her book in 1996...), but I am better able to figure out how I feel than I used to be.
Since my deficit is because I was never taught about this stuff, the solution is to find a place to learn this. The DBT class was a good start. But, for me (and quite possibly for you), the real place to learn this *is* in therapy. Therapy is the appropriate place to learn about emotions. I certainly feel like a fool a lot when it becomes clear how little I know (and sometimes it takes some convincing to get my therapist to know that I really *don't* understand something). But my therapists have shown me that they are willing to help me learn about this stuff. And so we slog through it together.
Think about how you would approach helping an adult learn how to read. There are lots of adults who don't know how to read. For many of them it is *not* because they are not intelligent enough to learn, it is because they haven't had the right *opportunity* to learn. Now, if you sat down to teach a person to read, and put a simple book in front of them and they couldn't read at all, what would you do? Would you say "Of course you can read this, you aren't trying hard enough"? Probably not. You might choose one word and see if they understand phonics at all - can they sound out a simple word? If they can't, then you might find out if they know the alphabet, and if they can recognize the different letters. And you may have to go all the way back to "An 'A' has two slanted lines that come together at the top and a line across the middle". I really don't think you would say "This person is an idiot". You would be more likely to say "This person hasn't learned the alphabet/phonics/reading. How can I teach him the parts that he doesn't know?"
Now, let's say that you started teaching this person to read, but after a while they stop making progress. Now they can't read words that they used to be able to read. Would you say "You are hopeless, you will never learn to read"? Probably not, because you have seen them learn some of the skills already. There *may* come a time when they *are* incapable of learning any more, but at this point they seem to be going backwards, so that doesn't make a lot of sense. You might try some experiments to figure out why they are having a problem now, where they were doing fine before. Eventually you might think that you really can't help them with whatever the problem is - that they need more help than you know how to give. So maybe you send them to an eye doctor, and the eye doctor figures out that they need reading glasses. It was never a problem before because the type was big enough for them to see, but now that they are reading better they are progressing to books with smaller type. Are they a failure because they need glasses? Are you a failure because you can't provide them with glasses? No. They just need both you (their reading teacher) and the eye doctor.
I think (I hope?) that this is the way that my therapist sees me - that I have some really basic things to learn. That other people learned these things when they were 1 or 2 or 3 years old, but for some reason I didn't. So I need to learn them now. And he can help me learn them.
You don't need to be ashamed of the things you don't know. You were never taught them, how could you know them? You can learn these things if you are given the opportunity. Therapy gives you the opportunity that you need to learn about emotions (and also to learn about trust).
P.S. Therapy is also a great place to learn that it is OK to make mistakes (I sure didn't learn that as a child!!!). Your therapist will be happy to show you that you can be forgiven, and welcomed back.
P.P.S. You said: "I can't say what will go through my brain as I think more and more about leaving therapy or leaving this world." Please stay.
Posted by Poet on October 9, 2004, at 15:35:54
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet, posted by crushedout on October 9, 2004, at 0:33:45
Hi crushedout,
I wish you (and everyone) didn't feel me pain, but it makes me grateful that I am not alone in what I feel.
It seems that so many of us think that our therapists would be overjoyed to get rid of us. Mine made it clear she wasn't, but I quit anyway.
I had thought about quitting for a week- it wasn't a snap decision. What I didn't take into consideration was how I would feel without therapy. My (former?) T asked if I had thought about it and I said no. Now I realize I should have.
I should call her, but like you, pride gets in the way.
Thanks for caring. I appreciate and need it.
Poet
Posted by Poet on October 9, 2004, at 15:48:49
In reply to Re: I quit therapy- Feeling Very Sad (Long) » Poet, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2004, at 8:15:32
Hi Dinah,
Your post was just fine.
I have dealt with some pretty heavy life stressors this year. My (former, oh, oh, tearing up) therapist was with me 100 percent of each and every crisis. I know my progress was glacial, but it was there, just not fast enough to me. Though, I know she would disagree.
You've made a really good point that real life issues sometimes put aside long term depth work. I keep telling myself that when I get a job that I'll just magically feel better, but that seems to easy to be true.
I'm struggling with shame about going back. Maybe I could just call her and ask for an assessment session; that might be the way to open the door to another appointment and another...
I really didn't think I would get hit this hard.
Thanks for your help.
Poet
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