Posted by Simus on March 22, 2004, at 13:37:00
In reply to Re: Please help!!! Sandy Web, posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 9:35:14
Sandy,
I think you are misunderstanding my intentions here. I am not pitying you. I am trying to get you to see the truth. It is so easy to confuse a mental illness with a character flaw. It is also so easy to think you will never become better, or stable. I have had times of stability during my ordeal. No, everything wasn't perfect. But I held part-time jobs in engineering for five years. No, it is not the degree of recovery I wanted at the time. But considering that a short time earlier, the only future I saw for myself was in a mental institution, that was a BIG improvement. I was able, during that time, to help my husband with the finances, buy a few extra things for the kids, bless my parents financially, give to charities, etc, etc, etc. In November, my meds were completely changed. It was a very hard time, and I had to take a medical leave in January. But they want me back as soon as I am able. I was so bad even just a week ago, I coveted death. Then, in ONE DAY, my doctor made ONE med change, and I am a new person!!! I will wait a while before I go back to work. But now, I know I will be even better and stronger than before. I have times of feeling 100% now!!! 100%!!!
When I took my medical leave, I felt hopeless, like I was a failure at everything I did. I didn't think anyone could ever count on me, ever. I could go on for a few more paragraphs with the negative self-talk. But the point I am trying to make here is that it is the illness talking. A week ago, I hated myself. Today, I no longer think that. ??? Did my character change? No. I simply, by medication, came out of the depression. So please, please just hold on.
poster:Simus
thread:323847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040316/msgs/327052.html