Posted by SandyWeb on March 22, 2004, at 9:35:14
In reply to Re: Please help!!! Sandy Web, posted by sexylexy on March 21, 2004, at 23:44:16
Ladies, I am touched that you want to help me. But please don't feel sick and worried about me. That makes me feel sick to my stomach. Believe me, it's not worth all the stress you are putting upon yourselves. I feel physically awful for having you even THINK about me. I will be fine.
My situation is no big deal. I've been attending University for a "lifetime" (lol!!), getting all my pre-reqs out of the way in order to enter the Bachelor of Science in Nursing program. I was accepted into the Advanced Standing option. Long story short: I had to take a Leave of Absence last year due to my mental health. I just came back to classes this January, and guess what? I have to take another Leave now. I'm just not able to be stable.
Student Loans have run out, so I can't afford to ever get an education. I already owe $40,000 plus I've put another $10,000 on my sister's Visa (without a degree). My chance for an education is OVER. I have no skills, I haven't worked since my early 20's. I can't even attend classes regularly, so I wouldn't be able to hold down a job. And the only thing I'm good for is a waitress, and I'm too tired for that! The rent is too expensive, we never have any money, the kids are always hungry, and they say I'm lazy because I haven't gotten a job so that they can have food in the cupboards. I have no future. I have nothing to do with the second half of my life other than read books and watch tv. I can't ever go to school and I'm too wishy-washy to hold any type of responsible job. I can't get me kids the things they need and want: FOOD, stylish clothes, sneakers that aren't falling apart, weekly or even monthly allowances. Nothing.
I was looking forward to having a PROFESSION, to giving back to society. I was looking forward to paying back my parents and sister, with cash and gifts. I was looking forward to starting an educational fund for my kids so they would have money for their own University courses (they've asked if I have a secret fund for them for University). I was looking forward to buying them new beds, moving them to a better area, giving them a better life.
Now all I can do is watch tv and read books. My kids will grow up feeling embarrassed by me, and I doubt that they will want to come by to visit.
There is nothing left. And I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It's just the way everything has worked out. The money is gone....the future is gone. There really is nothing left for me to struggle FOR. My life is basically over. There is no use for it.
Okay, so that's what is happening with me. I had a meeting with the University on Friday, and I'll be filling out the paperwork this week. The beginning of the end.
I may be starting to feel depressed.....but I'm more dead than anything.
I told you this so that you wouldn't be fretting about what is happening. It's really not a big deal. But it's just the way things have worked out for me. Not what I planned.
Now stop feeling sick about me! *smile* It's okay. It is what it is. I'll deal with it.
Thanks so much for your friendships. You have big hearts.
God bless,
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:323847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040316/msgs/326965.html