Posted by Zarah78 on October 14, 2003, at 19:12:22
I hate to be a downer. I've been feeling happy, even goofy most of the day. Now, I look outside and ... I want to cry.
The window is dark, the leaves flutter by the balcony door backlit by the parking lot lights outside, color flashing in the weakened light of my living room that filters outside. I want to press my body through the glass and be part of it all, and yet.. its cold and wet and dark outside. The beautiful fall colors fade and fall, leaving bare, sleepy trees in their wake - all of this put here to remind us how all beauty fades -- all but the kind found inside.
Yet I find myself hard pressed to find the inner beauty in myself... or my coke-addicted boss who enjoys picking fights and antagonizing people just because he can. I've tried making excuses to myself because he's been through 'Nam and exposed to agent orange, but there is no excuse to treat other people that way, espeically people who work for you. The vengeful b***h within me considers calling the police anonymously and having him dragged off... I shouldn't stoop to that. I shouldn't HAVE to. I can go on about declining job markets and crappy US economy, but I wont now. We all know it sucks.
I just hate these mood swings. I want to go outside, I want to be somewhere else... I want to be someONE else...someone "normal" -- whatever /that/ means anymore.
Now.. I sit and wait to see what someone else has to say.. as I daydream myself in a better life, as a better person.
-Z
poster:Zarah78
thread:269449
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031011/msgs/269449.html