Posted by Emme on July 6, 2003, at 9:53:45
In reply to Re: talked to friend briefly » Emme, posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 10:17:24
> Sounds like you are one of us--the 'flaming amygdala gang'.Flaming Amygdala Gang. I like that. Almost as good as the informal group I was a member of - the Angry Whiners' Club. :)
Yeah, I definitely get to feeling a bit overwhelmed and feel kind of traumatized by really negative interactions. Especially if someone else comes at me with a very angry tone of voice or if I feel guilty (and it's probably often unnecessary guilt).
> I recognize the instant panic that occurs in interactions with people when you feel overwhelmed with feelings, worried about having hurt them, or feeling hurt,etc. The trick is to try to get the thinking brain--the cortex--to talk to the reactive brain--which includes my 'favorite' part--the amygdala--to calm it down with reason and openness to the potential for solving problems thoughtfully.
The only way I've been able to do that is with the help of whoever is available to talk about it, offer perspective, and calm me down. I'm not good at doing it for myself - yet. I need to be like a duck and let stormy stuff roll off my back.
> It takes a lot of practice. I've gotten much better at it, but I still have my fight-or-flight moments big time (lately it is at work with my bully boss). When this happens, its total amygdala action--zoom--I flee. Thinking and reason are not in the room at all.
Have you seen the book How to Deal with People You Can't Stand ..or is it Dealing with People you Can't Stand... Well, that's not helpful if I can't quite recall the title. But it's something like that. Anyway, if you can get your amygdala maybe halfway there, this book offers some good concrete stragegies for dealing with people like you boss, and it's a fun read to boot. I thought of it because he describes difficult people by personality type...."grenade", "tank", etc. and you describe your boss as a bully.
> I guess what has changed over time for me is that I calm down quicker now.That's good. It sounds like the self-talk is working for you.
> But I know what it is like to be totally flooded with feeling--it feels to me like reason and language are totally inaccessible and nothing will calm me down. When flooded with emotion, it can be overwhelming, which is I guess where the cutting comes in for you.
Overwheleming emotion *and* the need to punish myself if I feel guilty.
> Can you find substitutes for cutting that would have similar physiological effects on your state of arousal?I've found from time to time that causing some pain without breaking skin actually physically calms me a little - bizarre - and I normally have little tolerance for pain. That kind of thing doesn't do much for the guilt, but at least I feel a little less aroused.
> How about some sensory integration stuff--like brushing with those "cornbrushes" (not too hard though!). Sensory integration (ironically abreviated as SI same as self injury) uses deep touch. Dinah once mentioned another sensory integration technique that she uses sometimes--tightly wrapping oneself in a sheet or blanket.
I could experiment with some of these things. I haven't tried the ice cube thing yet, but I think I might.
Emme of the Flaming Amygdala
poster:Emme
thread:238884
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239659.html