Posted by Shar on November 25, 2001, at 23:45:13
In reply to Re: Suicide, posted by Cass on November 25, 2001, at 22:46:32
Cass,
it's getting down to the wire now, Monday is coming too soon. Your quiet insistence that you want to commit suicide feels sad to me now. I have a LOT of suicidal ideation, have since my teens, and I sure do understand the appeal.I was thinking, though, about not loving ourselves enough to stay alive; to be so willing to pull our own plug; to feel so toxic to others; to feel so out of control over our lives.
I work my ass off to overcome that crap and go on another day. Not for any grand philosophical reason, but just because I do. I haven't found much rhyme or reason in life, there is very little that is predictable and even less that is assured.
Maybe I stay around so I can be a pain to others. Spread the misery around. Not a bad goal to spend a little time before you leave being annoying just for the hell of it.
Or, maybe that's just my idea of fun.
I do think the one thing you/we haven't given a chance is humor. There is this doc named Cohen who feels that humor/laughter is extremely healing. I wonder what would happen if you saw a few really funny movies, or something that made you belly laugh....wonder if you'd still feel like leaving.
The scientist in me is coming out.
When you consider everything, you should probably spend Monday doing all those things you never did because you were timid, shy, etc.---you know, the awful boss, the insolent sales clerk, the arrogant maitre de, the bozohead boyfriend. Be as rude and boisterous as you like. Hell, it might feel so good to do that you'll want to stay and do it some more.
Now, that's what I call a reason for living.
Don't wanna have to miss you,
Shar> I just spoke to my boyfriend for the first time in about a week. I was talking to him about my problems, and he was pretty cold and unsympathetic. That was about all I needed. He doesn't know I'm suicidal, but still, he shouldn't have been so cold. I feel worse than ever.
poster:Shar
thread:14247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011117/msgs/14311.html