Posted by Sharon7 on February 5, 2009, at 22:39:13
In reply to Re: If my Therapist doesn't call...... » Sharon7, posted by onceupon on February 5, 2009, at 10:59:22
Hey, onceupon! Thank you so much for that. You have definitely given me some very good things to think about. I appreciate you taking the time to respond so thoroughly (I always have trbl spelling that word!) Anyway, I wanted to respond directly to some things you said and answer some of your ?'s. K? K. (o:
> .... It hurts to feel like just a number on a file, or a time slot in a week. And it's not much of a stretch to start assuming that therapists don't care or that they don't notice when you're gone.
You know, I actually had sort of like a moment of clarity (or maturity? nah. couldn't be that!) but I was wondering if my implying my t doesn't care about her patients may even be insulting to her, because I know she became a psychologist to help people with their problems. It makes her sound like a cold hearted person, but she's not.
>.....it sounds like she's paying attention (in the sense that she has to remember previous sessions with you in order to piece this [pattern of yours] together).
Good point. Thanks. I really do expect a lot from her I guess.
>
> You said that your therapist has brought up this pattern in the past. I'm wondering how your conversation around that went.?We've actually never had a conversation about it. I always avoid talking to her about it. The most she'll do to encourage me to discuss the letters is to leave them laying right out in the open on my next visit. When I see them there, I react as if they are radioactive and basically freak out until she puts them away! I'm not even gonna waste my breathe asking her not to keep them. See, I've been seeing her for 1.5 years, but I went to her originally because i had been grieving about my husband leaving me and getting divorced.. 8 years ago! I just got stuck there. Anyway, only recently have I begun to feel better about that and she did help me get better where that issue is concerned, but now all this crap resulting from my childhood has risen to the surface and I'm finding these things nearly impossible to talk about. I need to try and open up to her more. I just need more reassurance that she's not going dump me. I hope she can help me with it, though. It's really no fun to be 44 and feel 14 on an emotional level (on a good day. lol!!)
> Were you able to come to a mutual understanding about that process, why you feel the urge to write, what it says about your relationship with her, etc.? If not, it seems like that might be a fruitful topic to revisit.
So yeah.. no discussion as of yet, so nothing to revisit.
>
> I'm curious too what would be most difficult about expressing your disappointment and sadness...?Because I'm like crippled when it comes to expressing my feelings (because of the way I grew up) and my vigilance to make sure I don't do or say ANYTHING that could result in my being abandoned or rejected, makes it impossible for me right now to open up about stuff like love and feelings. I don't know how to. She might need to try and help me give voice to what has never been spoken. She seems determined not to do that, though. We always have plenty to talk about, though, with all my other my bad behavior, but i think the escalation in my 'self-soothing' has to do with the anxiety I have about what's happening (and not happening)in therapy and with my therapist.
> ... Have you ever discussed your therapist's phone/email policy?
No, we have never discussed it. It's like she won't bring up anything!
>..... I'm hypersensitive to the slightest signal of rejection and can, in fact interpret just about anything to signal rejection.Me too. Sounds exactly like me.
>..... What I'm working very hard on is reality testing these perceptions with my therapist.
That's great! I'm glad you are at a place where you are even considering doing that. You can do it. (Just because I can't right now, doesn't mean you can't, or that I won't eventually, too!)
> ..Could you imagine directly talking about any of this with your therapist?
Heaven's no! I would love to get to where I could, though.
> As for continuity, I've found it hard in the past that my therapist does not bring up previous difficult topics, as much as I might like her to. And she doesn't always remember what we've talked about either. This is tricky in a lot of ways. I think that sometimes therapists want us to take the lead, and so they won't suggest a direction for a session. And sometimes, they just forget things about us. It's human, so I'll give them that
Thanks for making me feel better about that. I need to be more helpful to her perhaps and help her to remember where we left off. Hmmm? Could be a good way to get some positive reinforcement from her! I'M ON IT! lol! (o:
> .... even though we have different expectations for our therapists than, say, our hair stylists in terms of the care and attention they pay us, in the end, therapists aren't perfect either (darn it!). What I'm finally figuring out is that so much of the work for me in therapy is about experimenting with interpersonal behaviors with my therapist that I'm reluctant to try out IRL, because the consequences are probably going to be different. For me, that means trying to be as direct as possible and getting to a place where I can believe that my therapist isn't lying about her intentions and that she does care about me.
That was so well said and it was really helpful to me. Thanks for all your insight. It sounds like you are doing very well. It's really nice to get some of this stuff I've been stuggling with cleared up! My t is gonna think I should cancel my appts more often! lol! Unless of course the dysfunction takes over as it has been known to do.
Take care. Keep up the good work! It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this (but that doesn't mean I'm glad you're stuggling.. you know what I mean.
Sharon
poster:Sharon7
thread:878066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878367.html