Posted by llurpsienoodle on July 15, 2008, at 21:22:53
In reply to goodness » llurpsienoodle, posted by raisinb on July 15, 2008, at 19:57:50
> I can't imagine having that discussion with my female therapist (of course, ever since I told her I wanted to sleep with her...), much less a male therapist! That took a lot of courage on both your parts.
I've been seeing him for about a year now, and it DID take a lot of courage, for him to listen to it and avoid the temptation of just shifting the focus onto the traumatic stuff, instead of staying with my current psychological reactions.
>
> <<Trauma history leads to fear of men, but ALSO (here's where it gets interesting) a fear of my own power and sexuality. In my current interactions (face to face interviews with men, or leading tours or such), there are two parties, both with sexual energies. I am one of them, the man is the other. I try to diffuse the sexual charge by compartmentalizing my own sexuality and ignoring the man's power, to the extent that I am capable. (can you imagine how much it took to stay 'present' in this discussion? This is SO hard for me). That I can begin to engage in normal social interactions by acknowledging and experiencing my own sexuality. That I need to understand that most men have innocent intentions and boundaries that do not permit liasons.>>
>> I'm sure your therapist knows what he is talking about. Some of it doesn't seem logical to me (i.e., how can experiencing your own sexuality lead to more normal social interactions? and how does feeling more sexual yourself enable you to see how men aren't as sexual as you think?)
>A little bit of context, since I didn't really provide much! -- I have been having problems "connecting" with people except on an intellectual level. I am profoundly uncomfortable with being seen as "attractive", and frequently dress all sloppy so that I won't give off any "sexual vibes" as T would say. T thinks it's a strategy that I developed to have "safe" relationships with men-- to compartmentalize myself in that way.
> But I think learning to love your own sexuality is always a valid goal. Most of us--not just women, and not just people with trauma histories--haven't achieved that.
>
> I have to agree with muffled a little bit, though--psychodynamic therapists are sometimes a little too focused on sex, to the exclusion of all the complex emotional, childlike feelings that attend the physical urges. It is possible that there are lots of things you fear from men, besides sex (this is just speculation of course).
>oh, there ARE many things- you are so right. Sex is intimidating and overwhelming, but I grew up with so much physical violence that I am much more fluent in THAT language.
> Anyway, kudos to you for the work you are doing! Discussing intimate sexual details with a male therapist? You should buy yourself a Mercedes or something.
I'm more of a beemie girl *wink*
-Ll
p.s. thank you so much for your ideas-- explaining this stuff helps me sort things out in my own mind.
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:839877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839900.html