Posted by raisinb on July 15, 2008, at 19:57:50
In reply to Scared of men *triggers* long, posted by llurpsienoodle on July 15, 2008, at 17:09:25
I can't imagine having that discussion with my female therapist (of course, ever since I told her I wanted to sleep with her...), much less a male therapist! That took a lot of courage on both your parts.
<<Trauma history leads to fear of men, but ALSO (here's where it gets interesting) a fear of my own power and sexuality. In my current interactions (face to face interviews with men, or leading tours or such), there are two parties, both with sexual energies. I am one of them, the man is the other. I try to diffuse the sexual charge by compartmentalizing my own sexuality and ignoring the man's power, to the extent that I am capable. (can you imagine how much it took to stay 'present' in this discussion? This is SO hard for me). That I can begin to engage in normal social interactions by acknowledging and experiencing my own sexuality. That I need to understand that most men have innocent intentions and boundaries that do not permit liasons.>>
I'm sure your therapist knows what he is talking about. Some of it doesn't seem logical to me (i.e., how can experiencing your own sexuality lead to more normal social interactions? and how does feeling more sexual yourself enable you to see how men aren't as sexual as you think?)
But I think learning to love your own sexuality is always a valid goal. Most of us--not just women, and not just people with trauma histories--haven't achieved that.
I have to agree with muffled a little bit, though--psychodynamic therapists are sometimes a little too focused on sex, to the exclusion of all the complex emotional, childlike feelings that attend the physical urges. It is possible that there are lots of things you fear from men, besides sex (this is just speculation of course).
Anyway, kudos to you for the work you are doing! Discussing intimate sexual details with a male therapist? You should buy yourself a Mercedes or something.
poster:raisinb
thread:839877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839884.html