Posted by llurpsienoodle on July 15, 2008, at 21:13:39
In reply to Re: Scared of men *triggers* long, posted by muffled on July 15, 2008, at 18:33:05
> Glad you didn't have to use any of your takedown training on him.It was at the forefront of my mind, believe me.
> *well FWIW I have this angst too. I have a male child, it can be disturbing sometimes.Awww, that sounds very tricky (((((muffled's kiddo, kiddo's momma))))
>
> > So, T has an interesting theory, no doubt with strong psychodynamic undercurrents. Here's his formulation of my psychological delimma:
> >
> > Trauma history leads to fear of men, but ALSO (here's where it gets interesting) a fear of my own power and sexuality. In my current interactions (face to face interviews with men, or leading tours or such), there are two parties, both with sexual energies. I am one of them, the man is the other. I try to diffuse the sexual charge by compartmentalizing my own sexuality and ignoring the man's power, to the extent that I am capable. (can you imagine how much it took to stay 'present' in this discussion? This is SO hard for me). That I can begin to engage in normal social interactions by acknowledging and experiencing my own sexuality. That I need to understand that most men have innocent intentions and boundaries that do not permit liasons.
>
> *OK ???????????????????????????????????
> I admire you sticking with this convo, and with a man no less. llurpygirl, you got SERIOUS guts.
thank you muffy, it means a lot to hear that.
> But WTF??? I just bury any sexuality for ther most part cuz WTF?? SEX goto do w/ANYthing ANYways??? Makes me SO pissy mad, everything sex sex sex ...WTF???? ARRRGGGHHH.
you make me chuckle. I'm kinda like that, but obviously h doesn't appreciate the status quo, and I'm starting to feel some... pressure. I guess it all comes out in therapy, huh?
>
> > At this point, I attempted to wrap up our session, but he refused to grab his planner (which is his signal that the session is over), and agonizing "ums" "i don't knows" and mumblings interupted long silences. T repeating himself, Llurpsie trying hard to keep it together and not bolt out of the room. DanGeR going off, and panic rising in my throat.
>
> *You are nice to your T. I can get kinda cheezy if my T psissing me, mind you...I got a female T. I wouldn't have a male T. Did your T do ANYthing to assist in calming you??? Was he aware of your intense discomfort?I know he was aware of it. we digressed for about 5 minutes to take some of the weight off of it. Then I remarked that I would have a lot to think about, and he said- what? about the sex stuff? at which point we summarized the main stuff, and then he made me laugh at myself. T's really good at making me laugh. I laugh HARD at least 5x per session- sometimes I crack him up too. Humor is good to diffuse tension.
>
> > Do you guys get into any of this stuff with your T's? I feel like such a freak. T had this amused look on his face at the end, and was telling me that I am a very interesting young woman to work with. I asked him if he meant that in a pejorative sense (my self-esteem needed a little bolstering at this point), and he smiled more and said that I am a very interesting patient, and that I was complicated. I guess that's a compliment coming from him.
>
> *Well your responses are not freaky thats for sure IMHO...but then...mebbe *I* kinda a freak myself....hmmmm!
> Your T seems to be making things complicated if you ask me.
> Wassup w/all this sexuality sh*t???
I think he's trying to draw a link between me having fear of men, me having aversion to sex, me having very restrained emotional range. so? I dunno. I kind of like his theory, because it makes me squirm, and I usually don't squirm like that unless it's mostly true.> Sorry, sore spot for me.
> I not talk bout this stuff yet. NewT wants to figger other stuff first.
yep, gotta have priorities
> You a brave one Llurpster I'll give you that.
> Seems to me that you paranoid of men cuz men who SHOULD have protected you, didn't. DUHHHH, so NO WONDER you scared.
> So now guess you goto understand that ALL men won't hurt you.
> I try and look at men being nice and say to myself, see, the just PEOPLE who happen to be male, but they just like anybody, they not bad just cuz they got the bad parts that hurt, they just PEOPLE like females too. Some people. male or female ARE bad, but MOST are not. We just gonna have to try and trust our instincts.
> Think there's something that we goto deal with the rage bout it all too....so that we don't keep having the desire to go round knackering guys we might perceive to be bad, even if we don't do it, but its not nice thots.
not exactly sure what "knackering" is, but it sounds like fun? I dunno. lol. guys are people too. it's so hard, because intellectually, I hate to think of myself as being sexist, but my gut is very sexist. :(> OK I crazy, I admit it. Had T today, not earl gret but DD Tea, HA.
> Take care Llurps,
> M
>
>DD tea? hot or iced? 3 splenda with mine, please, or honey, whatever you got.
(((((muff)))))) thnks for your feedback
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:839877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839898.html