Posted by alexandra_k on March 7, 2005, at 23:33:24
In reply to Re: :-) » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on March 7, 2005, at 22:07:37
I guess I have numbness and then I have disappearing. Numb is good. To kind of filter out their responses so that I feel able to answer the questions properly. But I guess a cost of that filtering is that I miss all the good responses too. I miss that they aren't responding with disgust or rejection or smirks or whatever. I guess numbness is something I would have to work on as part of trust too. To trust their responses to me.
Though I would much prefer to not know.
At this stage anyways.But the disappearing is something I fight with all my strength - unless people push me too hard. Then I just want to curl up and die. And I do curl up and I disappear. My first t found that out when she started insisting on eye contact. Apparantly I would curl up and stay that way for a couple of hours and then kind of snap out of it. That happened quite a lot...
But my next t (in DBT) would say 'it is hard to do therapy with you when you do that' at the start of the curling up. And she learned to back off sometimes. Eye contact never became an issue. She would insist on talking about it (which is uncomfortable but ok) but never trying to make me do it (which is not ok).
But I fight it with all my strength because sometimes they come out then. And I don't want that to happen. Not in therapy. Not ever. The point is to make them go away. I don't want them to come out any more. They have to stop it. I just want to figure out how to stop that from happening.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:467966
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050305/msgs/468073.html