Posted by Susan J on October 7, 2003, at 14:15:29
In reply to still can't let go, posted by hurt on October 5, 2003, at 12:55:37
Hi,
God I know how much breakups can hurt, especially when it was the other person's idea...
>>Was it a mistake to get involved with him in the first place?
<<Not necessarily. There's *always* a risk of letting someone in. Think of yourself as strong for being *able* to love.... :-)>>Why did he act as he did?
>>Because he's immature. It's *not* a reflection on you.>> Was he cheating on me? Was he a game player,
<<Probably, but again, it's not your fault.
>>I was a mess, just not his type,
<<Don't blame yourself. Sometimes it's easier (I know it is for me) to somehow blame myself because if it *were* my fault, then I somehow had the power to change the situation and get the guy back. But it never works that way.>>what I did to make him leave me. It has been 6 mos.
<<It *wasn't* you. He was back and forth between two women emotionally. He was playing games, not only with you, but probably within himself.
>>I'm on anti-depressants, see a therapist, read books, listen to tapes, etc.
<<Keep doing that! It *will* get better.Keep telling yourself that you are beautiful, smart, caring, kind human being. Seriously. Repeat it and repeat it and repeat it. Look in the mirror and say it to yourself. I swear it helps...
>>I am a wreck and can't stop thinking of him. I miss him so much. I want back that love and closeness we had,
<<One thing my therapist pointed out to me when I had a bad relationship go south, and yet I still wanted it, was that I was missing the *idea* of him, the imagined *future* with him, and not so much the every day real interaction. Possible you feel a little of that, too? Because when I look back on my daily interaction with that guy, I'd say 80% of it sucked, and 20% of it was amazing. Not good odds, but like Pavlov's dog, I kept coming back for that 20%.>>and I'm afraid I won't be able to be with anyone else in the future for fear I will compare them to my ex and the new guy just won't measure up.
<<Some distance and time from my bad relationship guy showed me how weak, immature, irresponsible, and emotionally *unreliable* he really was. Yes, there are good points to your ex. That's why you loved him. But he had bad points, too. Can't forget those. And really, would you want to put up with those bad points long term? Probably not...
You *do* need to heal from this before another guy will really catch your eye, though. It's OK to hurt, it means you are human and that you were strong enough to risk loving someone. That's a great strength, but it does bring potential for great pain.Focus on loving yourself. Focus on *your* great attributes. Really. There's another guy out there for you. :-)
Good luck,
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:265728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/266418.html