Posted by hurt on October 5, 2003, at 12:55:37
I met a Latino man who swept me off my feet. After a marriage of 20 yrs. with an emotionally abusive man, I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. After sleeping with me for the first time, he confessed he had been having an affair with a married woman (35 yr) who also was a student of his as he is a college professor. He had known her for 3 yrs. but had been intimate with her for only 5 mos. I broke up with him, he came back a mos. later and said he had left her and wanted to be with me. He was kind, generous, loving and great to my kids and I was deeply in love with him. After 3 mos. he started pouting if I did anything without him, or after a lovely evening, say he felt disconnected from me, like I didn't care. Every little incident, he would state we probably should just be friends. In dance lessons, he was frustrated about a move, jerked me right and left and told me he was leaving and would wait in the lobby. His actions frightened me, I left out the back door and walked home. He broke up with me saying I had abandoned him like his two ex-wifes had done. 2 days later, he was back saying he wanted to try again. In the next 3 mos., I had a hysterectomy, my ex took me to court twice, to try to get custody of the children, and my mother died of cancer. 3 wks. after her death, he broke up with me, saying he was confused and needed his space and he was all to blame for the breakup; I didn't do anything wrong. We saw each other off and on for the next two mos. The last time we were together intimately, he said he felt overwhelmed being my support system and that I was always sad, my 13 yr old daughter didn't like him, that he loved me, just "didn't think he could ever be with me again", although he did start going to therapy. Three days later, he was with his ex-lover who was now newly divorced and was graduating and no longer his student. Within 5 mos., they had bought a house and are now living together. I am so heartbroken. Was it a mistake to get involved with him in the first place? Why did he act as he did? Was he cheating on me? Was he a game player, had issues, I was a mess, just not his type, he always had feelings for the other woman and was not emotionally available???? I keep beating up on myself, analyzing what went wrong, blaming myself and what I did to make him leave me. It has been 6 mos. since he left me and I still can't get over him. I'm on anti-depressants, see a therapist, read books, listen to tapes, etc. I am a wreck and can't stop thinking of him. I miss him so much. I want back that love and closeness we had, and I'm afraid I won't be able to be with anyone else in the future for fear I will compare them to my ex and the new guy just won't measure up. Any comments, answers help? Thanks.
poster:hurt
thread:265728
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/265728.html