Posted by Dena on September 10, 2003, at 14:38:46
In reply to Re: Being Alone » Dena, posted by rayww on September 10, 2003, at 10:06:24
Ok, Ray - I have a current emotion (several emotions rolled into one) that I'll share (& it's hard to rule out the miscarriage, because I just came back from the memorial service we had for my baby).
You wrote: "Anyway, if anyone wants to pursue this, lets try to "name a pain" and see what we can do with it. Go ahead, Dena, name one thing that you are feeling the feeling of loss toward, or pain. It cannot be your recent miscarriage, or a long ago death. It must be something from the present, like a lost wallet, a painful sliver, a broken toe, anything like that in the present, that are you feeling right now, causing you to release an emotion, any emotion will do. "
I'm feeling confusion/fear/reluctance/conviction... My priest's wife (whom I spoke with right after the service) told me she's concerned about the amount of time I've been spending on the internet (including, probably especially, participating on these boards). Now, lately, since the miscarriage, I have spent a great deal of time reserching the causes of miscarriage, etc. But she's addressing a deeper problem: my obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I don't even want to go there. I've always known I've been rather OC, but I thought it has balanced out since I was healed from bulimia. But, it's true - once I get hooked into a project, I'm all there - I'm off & running, focused on it until I burn out (or somebody really gets my attention). It's moderated by the fact that I just have to care for my family & my home (& my art), but it is more of a problem than I want to look at.
Maybe I'll look Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder on the web & check it out - LOL! I'll be gone for hours!
My priest's wife (she's really my spiritual mentor), has suggested that I stop participating with this board. I've certainly entertained the thought myself, many times, especially when I've been blocked. But I'm feeling torn... I've made some connections with folks on this board that I'm reluctant to let go of.
Oy vey. I resist having yet another label put on me. But it rings of truth. Yuck!
So, that's my emotional contribution to this effort.
Any thoughts? Suggestions? Tips? Etc?
Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:257875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/258803.html