Posted by Heather66 on September 7, 2003, at 16:50:53
Dena wrote "Are you alone? Would you be willing to share your own story with us?" in the previous thread.
I thought this would be best on its own thread. I hope Dr. Bob approves of this being on the Grief board. I am grieving the loss of my best friend and lover, yet he did not die. We broke off our relationship almost 4 years ago. We first met over 10 years ago and became best friends for two years and then became seriously involved for the many years after that. I miss him terribly. It has been an extremely complicated (and awful) four years. After the first two years of crying uncontrollably, I went to a doctor who diagnosed me with single severe depression. He started me on Celexa, then Lexapro. He then refused to see me or treat me (I posted this on another thread at the time). But my issue now is that I feel incredibly alone with no doctor to talk to anymore, no luck at finding a new doctor - I have seen many and I hate them all. I didn't even like the original doctor. I have absolutely nobody to talk to - I don't trust anybody. The friends and family that I do have are not people that I can confide in... I do not trust them at all. I am paranoid and obviously have great trust issues that are not resolved. I do not believe in God. I am sick of making every decision alone. I just want my best friend back - he was someone I had for years to confide my every thougt to. He is now engaged to someone else.
I am interested in hearing how others have dealt with these same issues. I am at a point where I don't believe anything will get better. I feel all my efforts toward getting better are futile. It is obviously more complicated than this... but I would really like someone to share my problems with... someone to talk to in person... someone that I cannot find.
Should I continue searching for a doctor that I can trust or should I concentrate on developing a new friendship instead... one that will replace my old one... the one I miss so much... the one that I don't want to live without. I haven't had any luck in four years finding one single person to trust or talk to. Not one person. It is only me. Alone. And I have been looking. I don't know where else to look... And if you tell me to look for God... I've tried that too, it doesn't happen for me - that belief that you (Dena) have.
poster:Heather66
thread:257875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/257875.html