Posted by Susan J on October 28, 2003, at 10:04:25
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Larry Hoover on October 28, 2003, at 8:40:38
Dr. Bob,
If the *civility* standard is so *restrictive* that people cannot communicate effectively, perhaps it's truly time to modify it.
Larry *specifically* said he doesn't hate Kristen as a person, but he hates what she did. I thought it was a supportive statement of Kristen, validating her value as a human being, yet correctly stating certain behavior bothered Larry. If he can't say that, how can bad behavior (and its serious and very real effects on other humans) ever be addressed? And if it can't be addressed because it's per se uncivil, isn't that giving full rein for people to behave badly here?
Aren't we losing sight of the bigger picture, here? Mutual support and education? Personally, if someone hated my behavior, I'd much rather they said it like Larry did, rather than flame my character out of anger/hatred/hurt.
Implicit in Larry's message, I think, was, "You're a good human being, but your behavior is hurtful."
That's civil. That's supportive. That's educational. Civil doesn't mean lovey-dovey all the time, does it? Real life doesn't function that way, and I'd argue that making nice all the time can be harmful in itself....
As an attorney, my view on the law in general, is that it's a *tool* that serves the good of the people, and that people do not serve the *law.* The law is modified to meet human needs. Human needs are not modified to fit into an ineffectual law. Analogous to that, then, the civility standard here must serve the good of the posters, we do not serve the civility standard. If the civility standard does not permit supportive and educational interaction, it has to be modified.
Susan
> > > I hate what you did. I really hate what you did.
> > >
> > > Lar
> >
> > Please be sensitive to the feelings of others and don't jump to conclusions about them, post anything that could lead them to feel accused or put down, or exaggerate or overgeneralize. Please?
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Bob
>
> I used I statements, and I wasn't exaggerating. More confusion.
>
> Lar
>
poster:Susan J
thread:274133
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20031008/msgs/274254.html