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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 3:05:13
(((people))).
I could do with one myself right now.
(((Alesta)))
(((Larry)))Anyone else want one?
Posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 3:06:10
In reply to To everyone who needs a hug..., posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 3:05:13
(((pc)))
Sorry about your accident sweetie :-(
I think it is understandable to be a bit shaken after one of those...
Posted by fallsfall on March 25, 2005, at 6:18:32
In reply to Re: To everyone who needs a hug... » alexandra_k, posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 3:06:10
(((((Alexandra_k)))))
Hugs are magical.
Posted by partlycloudy on March 25, 2005, at 6:52:00
In reply to Re: To everyone who needs a hug... » alexandra_k, posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 3:06:10
((((Alex))) thanks, hon. Hugs are always welcome.
Posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 7:20:26
In reply to Re: To everyone who needs a hug... » alexandra_k, posted by partlycloudy on March 25, 2005, at 6:52:00
(((((((((((Alex))))))))))))))))))
It's so hard to live with someone that I love and not be able to hug them.
I guess I'll grab your offered cyberhugs... thank you so much for offering them.......
Posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 15:37:59
In reply to Re: To everyone who needs a hug..., posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 7:20:26
(((fallsfall)))
(((pc))) (have another)
(((sunny)))Yeah. Hugs are good :-)
Posted by Susan47 on March 25, 2005, at 17:01:56
In reply to Re: To everyone who needs a hug..., posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 15:37:59
((((alexandra))))
Huge, warm hug for you.
Posted by damos on March 25, 2005, at 19:10:26
In reply to To everyone who needs a hug..., posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 3:05:13
((((((((((alexandra_k))))))))))
Posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 19:24:21
In reply to Re: Right back atya kiddo ;-) » alexandra_k, posted by damos on March 25, 2005, at 19:10:26
(((Susan)))
(((Damos)))Damos - sorry I haven't replied to you yet. I owe you a nice big response :-)
I am getting there.
Posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 22:06:02
In reply to Re: Right back atya kiddo ;-), posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 19:24:21
my dad died tonight, can I have another one, please?
Posted by Susan47 on March 25, 2005, at 22:49:04
In reply to Re: Hey, Alex?, posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 22:06:02
She'll be bringing a huge hug as soon as she can, I'm sure. In the meantime, take one of mine. (((((Sunny10)))))
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 25, 2005, at 22:54:50
In reply to Re: Hey, Alex?, posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 22:06:02
> my dad died tonight, can I have another one, please?
That's a Bearhug®
Please accepts my condolences. I'm sorry for your loss.
Lar
Posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 22:55:30
In reply to Re: Hey, Alex?, posted by sunny10 on March 25, 2005, at 22:06:02
Wow.
Was that a shock, or was it a bit expected???
I don't remember you saying that he was sick or anything - but then I don't get to read everything.How are you holding up???
It might take a little bit for it to sink in.
I am so sorry hun. Lots of hugs.
Posted by sunny10 on March 26, 2005, at 1:24:40
In reply to Re:((((((Sunny))))), posted by alexandra_k on March 25, 2005, at 22:55:30
I appreciate your hugs and condolences.
He has been ready to die for a few months now, but the rest of the family wouldn't let him go out with dignity. I have actually been estranged with them for the past month or so because I have a more Buddhist opinion about death- I respected his wishes; my opinion clashed completely with the American fear of death that the rest of the family has, so I stayed away because I saw no point in disagreeing with them and causing more pain than they were already causing themselves. They actually put him in a Geriatric Psych Ward, calling him "suicidal". Since he doesn't believe in mental health problems, they were smashing his dignity. (Yes, his disbelief caused a rift between US years ago.. we weren't at all what you'd call "close" ...well, ever, actually. He beat me when I was young, too...)
I am mostly just shocked by what I saw when I got to the hospital. There is a somewhat macabre post to Suze (she asked what I went through- I answered) on another thread.
For those of you who would be freaked out, suffice it to say that I am still in shock, almost six hours after the fact...
I'm glad he is no longer in pain and is at peace. I just wish I was... Selfish, I know...
Posted by corafree on March 30, 2005, at 15:34:22
In reply to Re:thank you everyone, posted by sunny10 on March 26, 2005, at 1:24:40
:( ((((((Sunny)))))
If I ponder the treatment my father rec'd @ hospital prior to his passing a year ago, I would 'scream out my dissatisfaction' at members of my family, hospital employees, and hospice!
The part I have always played in my family is/was the one of: 'emotion expressor'.
Just a look between he and I was all it took for him to see that I would handle that 'well-deserved anger' @ his treatment/surroundings in the hospital.
That left him to concern himself with:
love in the moment,
goodbyes (something he and I agreed not to participate in),
and love in the moments to come.
All this time you've been helping me w/ my petty (as I see it) probs' and you've been going through this!
I have to say I've never been more amazed in the changes that continue to occur in my life since his passing; they border on miracles. Being real mindful - I think that's how I've realized them.
He and I were close. But, the further away his passing, the more I realize we weren't that close. Coming to that realization; now feel very close to him ... :)
hugs-n-sympathy, cf
Posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 9:47:24
In reply to Re:thank you everyone » sunny10, posted by corafree on March 30, 2005, at 15:34:22
no one's problems are bigger or smaller than anyone else's... just different.
Besides, this situation is all something that I just have to accept... it's not like anything I do will change anything that has already come to pass.
I have already decided not to let my stepmother be involved in my life. There is no need for me to be her emotional whipping post anymore. I don't have to put up with her poor opinion of me and how it manifests in nasty comments, et cetera. I can now leave this in the past after the memorial service on Sunday.
I found out that my sister was written out of the will- mostly because they had an argument ten years ago, and because my mother had been telling the rest of us for the last six of those years that my sister must be dead or lost "because she couldn't contact her- so there's no use trying to write or call; she's no longer there". It was a lie. My sister and mother have been having weekly conversations for ten years. But my mom's lie cost my sister the chance at a reconciliation. But I have to accept this, there is nothing I can do.
And then my brother and I have just found out that my stepmother and my father were lying to us during their 13 years marriage. They swore to us that they didn't want to create any animosity between the children (his three, her two), and as such, they were keeping their monies entirely separate and that upon their deaths, her money would go to her kids, and his to his kids. Well, it's not true. His money is tied up in a trust in her name. She cannot touch the principal, but will live off of the interest and dividends until her death. Her mom lived to 101... With that money earning no interest or dividends, the rate of inflation will make that money useless in twenty years which is when we'll finally get it!! At least I don't have to deal with the stepmom on this issue- it's my brother who is co-executor with her and has to keep his anger in check. The anger doesn't come from not getting money- I'd be surprised if we each ended up with five thousand anyway- it's that once again, we'd been lied to for years. My brother's got to manage to keep a smile on his face while talking to her about other aspects of the estate/service... I don't. But again, I have to accept this, there is nothing I can do.
Rather than feeling frustrated 24/7 at the sheer helplessness I feel, I'd rather try to help others figure out whether they have choices they can make- and try to throw some out there that might not have come to your minds yet. I know that when I am stressed or depressed, choices seem very limited if I can see any at all...
I'll help everyone else as much as I can because it helps me to not feel entirely helpless...
Posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 12:07:57
In reply to Re:thank you everyone, posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 9:47:24
I was just thinking, I don't have a will properly made up. I'm wondering if your dad hadn't gotten around to changing his will at some point to make what he wanted, reality. Or maybe he didn't read it properly before he signed it, maybe he trusted someone else to do all that stuff (like I did, at one point in my relationship with my last SO) because he just couldn't deal with the reality of it, and had he known, he would've changed it. Or at least not "lied" to you about it. But then, I'm still a person who forgives others for not knowing all the facts, but I know that's not how the real world sees it at all. You know, the old "Ignorance is no excuse" babble. B*llshit.
I'm so sorry you have to go through all this emotional and financial stress, it's totally not fair.
I hope it doesn't happen like that when my own parents go. I don't think it will, but hell, my father's so emotionally unstable you absolutely never know how you're going to be blindsided.(((Sunny)))
Posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 12:09:36
In reply to Re:thank you everyone, posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 9:47:24
PS, you're helping me tremendously by posting about what's going on... things that never would have occurred to me are being brought to light ... Thank you. (((Sunny))) MWAH, MMmmmmmmmmWAH!
Posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 15:21:02
In reply to Re:thank you everyone » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 12:09:36
yes, you're right, it would be nice if it was "a confusion", but no... the lawyer told my brother that it was made in '99 and as of their annual review in January, he saw no reason to change it...
No, it was lies... sigh...
Thanks for the kisses.... mmmmmmmmmwwwwwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhh right back atcha !!!
Posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 16:25:01
In reply to Re:thank you everyone, posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 15:21:02
The guy sounds like a crumb.
I'm so sorry.
Thank God you still can choose a better guy than "dear old dad"!!!
Posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 9:05:42
In reply to Re:thank you everyone, posted by Susan47 on March 31, 2005, at 16:25:01
That IS the question, isn't it?!?! Can I really??? Or do I just s*ck at understanding all men after believing all of my father's lies...?
I just wrote a post to Shy_Girl about just this topic. It is one that I still have issues with. It is the entire reason that what has been going on with my SO affects me so strongly.
The question is, can I trust my instincts when it comes to men? Or are my instincts all scr*wed up by being continually lied to and disappointed by the men who have been in my life during the formative years?
Thank goodness I got through the "which friends can I trust" issue... it is the sex part which I thinks messes with my ability to "know" boyfriends... This is not to say that my brother and my father molested me or anything; it's not Freudian. I'm not sure what the distinction is... I have male friends- even male friends who have indicated that they wanted to be more, but I wasn't interested and we managed to remain just friends. So it's not gender specific... I don't know WHY that is...
hmmm.... something to ponder... maybe the key to figuring out why I'm "stuck" on this issue...
Anybody got any ideas????
Posted by Corafree on April 1, 2005, at 13:51:34
In reply to Re:thank you everyone, posted by sunny10 on April 1, 2005, at 9:05:42
I keep hoping there must be some men that enjoy my company w/o my body, but haven't found one yet!! Sorry guys, but that's my story. cf
Posted by sunny10 on April 2, 2005, at 11:49:08
In reply to Re:thank you everyone » sunny10, posted by Corafree on April 1, 2005, at 13:51:34
perhaps a homosexual "companion"? All the love- none of the sex?
Although, personally, I have read that regular sex makes your body healthier- I would never choose a life of no sex, but I am not a CSA or rape survivor, so perhaps my opinion is biased...
Posted by Corafree on April 2, 2005, at 20:00:57
In reply to Re:thank you everyone » Corafree, posted by sunny10 on April 2, 2005, at 11:49:08
Hmmm,...it never occurred to me that a person may be homosexual due to 'very badly scarring' early childhood experiences. I wonder if that is so?
I sometimes think I could get along better w/ a female, but could not live w/o the the emotional and physical relationship called sex.
The thing about most men, I think, in my experience, is that there isn't much emotion to sex; more physical. That's not wise sex according to dialectical behavioral therapy!
And, I've had some girlfriends that I'll never speak to again too, so ... it's a toss up.
Just hard for me to learn to trust and learn again, due to bad experiences and/or bad medications!
Hope something good on TV. Almost called rainydayman ... best not ... need to keep things low key.
I will be moving soon. It will be o.k.
I've never stayed in one place too long.
Like Raitt says, 'moving down that same lonesome road, and lord, I don't know why' ... just that gypsy feelin'.
I am going to try to be positive, but not unrealistic, about this move.
I think you sound good! Think I'm doin' o.k. ... especially since in the last three days, I picked up my newly repaired car, left, and directly took out someone taillight, and my house flooded from a broken water pipe ... and I'm really not that upset! My meds are soooo much better now!!!!!!
Good Eve To All, cf
Posted by sunny10 on April 2, 2005, at 22:16:14
In reply to Re:thank you everyone » sunny10, posted by Corafree on April 2, 2005, at 20:00:57
wow, you're just takin' it all in stride!!
Good for you!
This is the end of the thread.
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