Posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 9:47:24
In reply to Re:thank you everyone » sunny10, posted by corafree on March 30, 2005, at 15:34:22
no one's problems are bigger or smaller than anyone else's... just different.
Besides, this situation is all something that I just have to accept... it's not like anything I do will change anything that has already come to pass.
I have already decided not to let my stepmother be involved in my life. There is no need for me to be her emotional whipping post anymore. I don't have to put up with her poor opinion of me and how it manifests in nasty comments, et cetera. I can now leave this in the past after the memorial service on Sunday.
I found out that my sister was written out of the will- mostly because they had an argument ten years ago, and because my mother had been telling the rest of us for the last six of those years that my sister must be dead or lost "because she couldn't contact her- so there's no use trying to write or call; she's no longer there". It was a lie. My sister and mother have been having weekly conversations for ten years. But my mom's lie cost my sister the chance at a reconciliation. But I have to accept this, there is nothing I can do.
And then my brother and I have just found out that my stepmother and my father were lying to us during their 13 years marriage. They swore to us that they didn't want to create any animosity between the children (his three, her two), and as such, they were keeping their monies entirely separate and that upon their deaths, her money would go to her kids, and his to his kids. Well, it's not true. His money is tied up in a trust in her name. She cannot touch the principal, but will live off of the interest and dividends until her death. Her mom lived to 101... With that money earning no interest or dividends, the rate of inflation will make that money useless in twenty years which is when we'll finally get it!! At least I don't have to deal with the stepmom on this issue- it's my brother who is co-executor with her and has to keep his anger in check. The anger doesn't come from not getting money- I'd be surprised if we each ended up with five thousand anyway- it's that once again, we'd been lied to for years. My brother's got to manage to keep a smile on his face while talking to her about other aspects of the estate/service... I don't. But again, I have to accept this, there is nothing I can do.
Rather than feeling frustrated 24/7 at the sheer helplessness I feel, I'd rather try to help others figure out whether they have choices they can make- and try to throw some out there that might not have come to your minds yet. I know that when I am stressed or depressed, choices seem very limited if I can see any at all...
I'll help everyone else as much as I can because it helps me to not feel entirely helpless...
poster:sunny10
thread:475279
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050330/msgs/478092.html