Posted by Maxime on December 13, 2010, at 5:33:29
In reply to Re: Public Apology To All Past And Present » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on November 21, 2010, at 17:24:17
> Would you feel better to know that yes I was raped when a teen. But then there was no such thing as "Date Rape" you were just expected to accepted it and forget it. Would you feel better to know my ex broke my nose which required the hospital to fix. But the worst thing that has happened to me is the words to this day I think of daily from my long deceased Mother who blamed me for her illness, screamed and foamed at the mouth while kicking and screaming at me? Blamed me daily for all her problems. So I learned early to apologize and not stick up for myself. But the physical stuff is long forgotten. It's the verbal/emotional abuse that remains and my fears of saying one word wrong. Because of the death at age 17 of my Mother I went into nursing to try and make up for killing my Mother. Which I fully believe I did. Even today my husband tells me I didn't kill her because she said carrying me up two flights of stairs when a baby is what made her sick. But even at almost age 65 I will never ever forget that I killed her. Hence everytime a physical illness since she wished them on me also I know I deserve it.
Of course I don't feel better knowing the above. I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone. But I fail to see what it has to do with an apology.
I would feel better if you acknowledge exactly what you and how it effected others. I feel it's very easy to say the words "I'm sorry" to quieten the other person. I have seen it happen between spouses a lot.
I was in the hospital for a week when I was blocked. I brought by a social worker to my house to pick up some of my things because I had nothing with me at the hospital and they didn't trust me to be on my own. My psychiatrist asked me to print up a lot of this thread and the ones that lead up to it and give them to him.
A couple of days letter we talked about it all. for over 2 hours. He was appalled at what when on. I can't say much more than that or else I will get blocked again. But he did say that depression and anxiety are more than what is at play here.
My brother stayed with my mom whilst I was in the hospital and he came on my computer and found the site because it was in my history. He figured out who I was and he was disgusted at what when on and with the board in general.
So Phillipa, I do not accept your apology.
Bipolar Type 2, ED-NOS, Self-hatred
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Being happy doesn´t mean the pain is gone. you just bury it deeper.
poster:Maxime
thread:970920
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20101122/msgs/973393.html