Posted by alesta on February 26, 2007, at 21:59:13
In reply to My life has taken on a nightmarish quality..., posted by alesta on February 24, 2007, at 23:05:22
hi...i don't have much time to write at all right now but just wanted to check in and say that i am doing ok.:) thanks much you guys. i'm pretty tired right now so i hope this is readable enough.
on another quick note...i realize now that that previous thread where i got an attitude (on top of everything else) is *still* bothering me...not the way ppl feel about me...but the *guilt*, which i didn't realize that i am still harboring. it is *so* totally important to me to be a good person. and a moment of stupidity or weakness or whatever just seems to ruin all the good moments of things i've done...but i know that that's not true. and i have to remember that. i *am* still good. but i think it might help if i try and apologize *again* (ok..silence the groans please?:)) because i don't feel like i did it sufficiently yet. but the thousand good things i've done in my life still stand, and i do feel good about myself all in all now.
a friend of mine totally lost her cool yesterday, and funnily enough...it made me feel better about myself. it was totally unlike her to be like that, she is so totally not the temperamental type, and it reminded me that we all do have our moments, and that no one is perfect. and that we are not meant to live in guilt (i usually don't...if i apologize sufficiently...i haven't done that yet.)
anyway...I feel so much better already knowing that I am going to apologize again...this may sound dorky that I dwell on this but, hey...my pride is out the window. I screwed up big and I have to try and mend the damage I did to the best of my ability. nough said..I'm not sure I'm eloquent enough right now for a sufficient apology (and may not be for months..who knows...in a depressed phase still, although almost happy again at the same time..think i'm coming out of it *maybe*) but perhaps it's the effort that is most important. i know this diatribe in guilt is boring some of you to tears...for those of you, I say, this is not for you, it's for me...i have to live with myself. and for those of you that need to hear me apologize again, i say..i am truly sorry.
wish i could individually thank ppl here but there's no time. god bless. thank you for caring. and for having compassion for me. your kindness for me is so appreciated....
night guys,:)
aim
poster:alesta
thread:735906
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070223/msgs/736630.html