Posted by alexis6 on September 11, 2004, at 1:56:16
In reply to Physical attraction and body type, posted by alexandra_k on September 10, 2004, at 19:33:35
> I am 5'7 and fairly solidly built. Something that I have realised about myself is that I don't tend to feel physically attracted to guys who are smaller in body type than me.
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> Even transference doesn't seem to happen too well when the Dr is smaller than me, as is typically the case with Indian, or Eastern p-docs.
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> I am reminded a little of Margaret Atwood's novel "Lady Oracle" where the protagonist was fairly hefty and she says something about the Count being like an otter scuttering across her vast continent of a body. Well, maybe it is not an otter exactly, but there is something faintly amusing at the thought.
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> Is transference supposed to be a good thing, a bad thing, or a sometimes good sometimes bad thing? Just wondering because I have done a lot of CBT focus on the here and now type treatment in which it was a bad thing. But some other styles of therapy view it differently.
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> Has anyone here satisfactorily worked through transference issues???
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> Bewildered...Hi Alexandra,
I have a similar issue myself. I'm 5'9" (and nearly 6' in heels), and have a very difficult time feeling attracted to men shorter than I am. In therapy, however, although I *think* my T may have been shorter than I am, due to the transference I think I may have imagined him as taller regardless :-).
Transference is usually regarded as a good or even essential thing in most types of therapies, particularily psychoanalytic, psychodynamic and humanistic, and there are a large number of specifically transference-focused therapies as well for clients likely to transfer strongly, such as victims of trauma or abuse.
In CBT transference is not usually seen as a "bad" thing, per se, but more of an obstacle that it will be helpful to overcome, as opposed to being a focus for the therapy itself. It is seen generally as a problem on the part of the therapist to create an interactive and, in some ways, "equal" therapeutic relationship with the client, or a failure on the part of the therapist to fully understand the client's perceptions of the world and others.
In psychoanalytically-based or humanistic therapies the emotions of transference are regarded more often as manifestations of past relationships, often dealing with important figures in the client's past, particularily parents or early caregivers. If you feel this may be the case for you and would like to explore those feelings, one of these types of therapies may be best for you.
Transference issues can be very important to work through, and it is essential to find a therapist committed to the longer-term work necessary to examine these basic ways of relating to others. I personally have just had a major failure on the part of my T to address accurately transference and countertransference issues, which lead to his abrupt termination of the therapy. Unfortunately, it seems that if a therapist is unwilling to address their own countertransference emotions they will be no more willing to examine yours. It's essential to find a mature and well-trained therapist if you do want to explore these feelings, in my own experience at least I've found that attempting it with the wrong T can be pretty damaging.
Best, Alexis
poster:alexis6
thread:389371
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040907/msgs/389512.html