Posted by spoc on May 4, 2004, at 11:35:05
In reply to Re: Impassioned plea from a red eyed mushroom » spoc, posted by tabitha on May 3, 2004, at 12:09:26
> Spoc, I hear you on the all-consuming power of the internet. I drag my laptop from room to room even though I have dial-up and a battery that won't hold a charge. Sure I could get new batteries, and a wireless modem, and DSL, but then I'd be online 24 hours for sure. <
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<<<<< You know, I have a bad battery and no wireless modem either! So makes the mess over here even worse! I have cords long enough to reach from Guam to here all over my floor, so I can drag everything around! Yes, I trip over them frequently, but what's a few teeth if I can find a way to stay on the Internet longer!Sometimes though, I accidentally rip the plug out that connects the DSL modem to my laptop, then I tremble as I realize my oxygen has been cut off and I must shut down and wait for everything to come back up again! Which, on this elderly beast, takes quite awhile. You'd think I'd use that time to take my vitamins, return a phone call or go to the bathroom; but NO, I can only stare at my computer screen as it reboots, holding my breath until I am back in a world that makes sense to me.... And come to think of it, one that I can CONTROL! Maybe THAT'S the attraction!
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> I tried various anti-addiction strategies, including a 1 hr/day quota, but the only thing that helped over time was going back to work in an office. When left to my own devices, my usage just creeps upward. <---
<<<<<< I really do need to do something like that, but lately I've lost the sense that I even DO enjoy other things more once I'm doing them, which is ridiculous! But it keeps me one step removed from undertaking any strategy. And in any event, with me it seems to be more a matter of how my OCD or whatever it is makes ANY task imaginable take an outlandish amount of time. If I allotted myself one hour online, I would have only deleted my spam, read two paragraphs of something and written "Dear Mary, it was SO wonderful to hear from you....." by the time it was time to sign off!And it's not just the Internet I'm fascinated by. On the occasions I do disconnect for awhile (can't remember the last time at this point), in no time I am tinkering and figuring out how various functions work, and even how the computer itself works. I'll go to the edge and sometimes risk making performance adjustments that may either help or, in one fell swoop, render this thing useless junk (which may be for the best)! Never before the last few years did I even realize I had an interest in technology. (So on that note, listen to me at your own risk on computer subjects, because anything I know or think I know has been self-taught!)
The whole thing is ironic and kinda tragic. Computers and the Internet are one of the few natural passions in myself I've identified, but as things are, I could never even *dream* of channeling and using them in a fun and potentially profitable career. Which would behoove me greatly to be able to do. Sadly, even writing, another of my few natural passions, falls into this takes-me-ridiculously-long-and-turns-into-a-stressful, obsessive-nightmare category. : ( !!!!!!!
You know, I never thought I'd see the day that I longed to get back to where I only watched too much TV when I slipped into hiding-out mode! I rarely watch at all anymore, which may sound like a good thing on the surface, but is actually something I think maybe I SHOULD add in again! Because it is easier to walk away from, and to also do/think about other things even as you indulge in it! For the susceptible, computers and the Internet can grab on for so much longer, offering a diverse, interactive and self-contained world.
So whaddaya think, where should I go at Babble to best have the agony of this behavior validated? I suppose it would have to be Substance Abuse! It's ironic that there actually are a lot of online self-help forums for Internet addicts, and even Internet-based therapy for it!!!!
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> I really hope you don't have to cut the cord permanently-- your posts are so well-written and funny, I'd hate to lose your presence here. <---
<<<<<< Thanks much, and I will continue to pop my head in! In general, I see SO many things I'd like to reply to or try to help with when I look at the boards, but lately the extent of my addiction and compulsiveness (and slowness/perfectionism when indulging) has really hit me. As with any addiction, I never know when I will end up on a real bender! The old "Oh come on, I can stop at just one" self-delusion! Well, sometimes maybe I CAN stop at just one post -- but even if I thought I only had one simple thought on something to add (as in the case at hand!), it can still get out of control!Tabitha, you are wise not to get DSL if you know your own tendencies. And also to have realized you are better off working away from home! Smart cookie! ;- )
poster:spoc
thread:340747
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040430/msgs/343204.html