Posted by Emme on October 16, 2003, at 7:58:39
Hi everyone. I'm back in misery again. For a while I've been too spacey to post here. I've just managed to make a few posts on Psycho-Babble. Did have a couple of acceptable days, but they don't last. Mornings are the worst part of the day, especially this time of year. I wake up and it's *dark* and I've had bad dreams and everything seems hopeless beyond belief and all I can see is endless mornings waking up alone, and I want to reach for a bottle and end it all. I'm headed for the abyss....again.
Doesn't help that I'm unepmloyed, don't know what I want to do, don't see meaning in my life, am watching my career to go waste, and know that I will have to move if I get a job and will probably be in a strange place with no one and have to go through the horror of being even more alone than I am while trying to meet new people. And it's my birthday later this month - I'm another year older, still alone, and still trying to cope with some sort of bipolar depression.
My doctor tries so hard. She's up on the latest developments, always responsive and attentive, one of the best around. I feel bad for her trying to treat me. But I can't stand any more medicine changes. I feel bad for my therapist. Patient, skilled, incredibly kind. So why can't I get better? (rhetorical question)
Rant over. Just had to spill out. Sorry about the run-on sentences.
Emme
poster:Emme
thread:269927
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031011/msgs/269927.html